the rhogam shot that got me thinking..

I had my rhogam shot last week (because of my B neg blood type). It hurt, so. bad. Last year I was warned that it would hurt, but the PA said they usually only hurt when the rhogam is cold, and she took it out soon enough to warm up a bit to make it less painful. As I recall, it was painless. And the one at the hospital after G was born was painless too. I think, I don't really remember, I hadn't slept for 5 days and I also had a lactation specialist...'working' on me at the same time. Everything hurt, so throwing a shot in there was no big deal. But this time? Wow. The needle going in made my knees buckle, and then the rhogam being injected? I leaned over the table and started to shake a little. It felt as thick as molasses and seemed to take forever! Ouch.

I knew this was my rhogam visit, as well as my glucose test with the orange drink. I knew the routine and I wasn't worried. But it took me back to last year when I was informed about the rhogam and everything that was done and tested for at the 28 week visit. I was nervous last time. I had a lot of questions, and I was glad Paul was with me. This time I was alone and ready to go with no questions. I guess I should appreciate that the doctors take time to talk to me and keep me informed on how things are going and whats coming up next. But most of the time in the back of my head I'm thinking, "Yeah, I know. My kid's not even one yet. I haven't had time to forget this process." This visit was no different. The doc told me allllll about rhogam and why it was necessary for me. The only thing I remember really learning about it last time was when the doc said that back in the day before the 'leap of faith' that is rhogam, (he really said 'leap of faith') people would sometimes decide not to date and marry someone because of conflicting blood types. Paul and I would have been one of those couples back in the day faced with that decision. (We could have had one kid, but no more.) It made me thankful that we didn't have to have that conversation and that we can have more than one kid...at least I think I'm thankful. ;)

This time the thing that stood out was when the doc said, "This shot is actually protecting your next child after this one." I already knew that too, but hearing it this time the first thing that I thought was, "so if I don't want more kids I don't need the shot?" I didn't say it though. But as I was leaving the doctor on a glucose high and a sore butt, I started thinking about the "next child".

Is there going to be a next child? Do I want more than two? Are these two too close together that its going to make me want to be done? Is one of each the perfect combo and we should stop at that? If we have one more will I be sad that I have two of one sex and only one of the other? But four is too many and there's no guarantee that I'd get two of each... But I've always said I didn't want an odd number so I guess that means we stop at two...

I've tried really hard to stay out of crazy-pregnantville this time around, but I went there, just for the drive home.

And I'm happy with where it got me. I've come to realize, mostly from all the mom blogs I read, that just about every mom out there is happy with just what they have. If they had a boy first they're happy to have an older brother protector type. If they had a girl first they're happy to have a built in babysitter for the younger ones. If they had them all close together they're happy they have kids that are close and play well together. If they spaced them out they're happy to only have one in diapers at a time and to have older helpers and/or some in school so they have time alone with the baby. If they have all boys they love the energy and dare develness of the family. If they have all girls they love doing girly stuff and seeing their heart-melting husband with his daughters. I think I'll be the same way, I'll just be happy with how Paul and I are having a family. I do have one goal though, IF there is another pregnancy in the future for us, (and by future I mean like 2016) I'd like it to be planned. I read somewhere that something like 65% of pregnancies are surprises, so if we had one that wasn't a surprise we'd be about right on with the average!