Sunday, January 27, 2008

Mammogram Samurai…and other random stuff this week.

--So, I went to an appointment with Kristin on Wednesday. She had a mysterious lump than needed a second opinion…or third, or something. Anyway, we were sitting in the waiting room, (the second waiting room that men aren’t allowed in) and we were talking about something funny. We were dying laughing, which is what we spend most of our time doing. And the receptionist told us we were way too happy for the place we were at. She kept watching us, I totally think she thought we were “partners.” Then Kristin went back to get changed. A few minutes later a nurse came and got me and took me where Kristin was. Kristin was wearing this Samurai hospital gown. When I walked in she said, “look at me, I’m a mammogram samurai!” I wish I woulda taken a picture. It was so funny. Anyway, I went through the whole appointment with her. Some may think it was weird and maybe awkward that I was in the room for all of it. But this wasn’t an experience that necessarily took our friendship to the next level. We used to live together, and needless to say, modesty wasn’t and isn’t really at the top of either of our priority lists. A male doctor finally came in to talk to her about the results, and at one point he turned to me to explain the results. I could see Kristin’s face out of the corner of my eye and it was all I could do to not start laughing. Instead I totally hammed it up, and acted so concerned and attentive to what he was saying. I’m pretty dang sure he thought we were lesbians as well. Good times. As we were leaving Kristin told me she needed to go get some blood work done. I asked her why and she said, “not for this, it’s for something else.” Right as we walked past the desk of female receptionist I said, “Kristin! If we are going to make this work then you have to tell me everything that’s going on with you! We can get through this together!” Everyone just looked at us. Maybe it’s not so funny to read about…sorry. But one thing I did learn while at the doctor. I need to be my own breast friend.

Later that night we were coming home from Logan and we stopped at my parents house. My mom had a plate of rice crispy treats she’d made and as soon as we walked in she said, “Hi girls! Grab a rice crispy treat and come sit down and visit.” So we did. A few minutes later my youngest brother came in and went for a rice crispy treat. When my mom saw him she said, “eww…Scotty, you might not wanna eat those, they fell on the ground.” Me and Kristin both looked at her kinda shocked. We got no such warning, in fact we were encouraged to eat them. Thanks mom. Favorites…??

--I moved into a new apartment in the Avenues. It’s so cute! I’m excited to hopefully be in Utah sometime long enough to unpack and enjoy it. I’ll put pictures on here when it’s cute…like in a month or so.

--Braden and Russ came over last night to hook up my electronic stuff. Russ also put together a little end table for me and Braden fixed my camera. By “fixed” I mean, read the instruction book and messed around with it for a couple minutes, and then gave me the short version. It was so good to see them! Kristin came over too. We all caught up on the borderline inappropriate things we always talk about. As well as eye buckets, mushrooms, same humans, that’s what she saids, the quote board, and a bunch of other stuff that no one will think is funny. We sat (and laid) for hours talking and laughing, and eating junk. (They all 3 struggle to believe that, along with my idea for the internet and credit card machines at the gas pump, I also pioneered the idea for refrigerated Junior Mints)…I don’t remember telling all the movie theaters about it, but I must have.

--I’m sick of the snow. It was so lame having to move in the cold and ice. I have bruises all over my legs and arms. My back hurts. I lost one of my SD cards. My apartment is a total mess. I’ve been living out of a suit case for 3 months. I always have a cold weather one and a warm weather one all packed, just in case. I’m leaving tomorrow morning with the warm weather one. Finally, no snow.

…And then, I got a massage and I remembered that George Clooney and John Krasinski are going to be in a movie together…George and John on the big screen at the same time…that’s the stuff dreams are made of. And suddenly, everything is ok again.

Ok, enough randomness. Now I’m off to Peru…

Sunday, January 20, 2008

that's my brother...

Happy Birthday Dave!!!

My older brother David is turning 29 today. He's exactly 13 months older than me,
and I couldn't ask for a better big brother.

Happy Birthday Bro! I love you.
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Friday, January 18, 2008

34.42 miles from Roy...I guess that's not far enough.

Somehow, the Roy High School Class of '98, 10 year reunion planners are finding me. I don't really mind, but how did they get my cell number??

It's crazy, and fun, and not fun to think of everything I've done, seen and been through in the past 10 years. I remember at our senior party (that almost got cancelled because of our massive food fight in the school cafeteria a couple days before) talking to everyone about staying friends forever. And that we were the graduating class that would keep in contact and have monthly dinner parties and play dates once we started having kids. We swore to all our guy friends that we'd be faithful writers while they served their missions, and I think alot of us girls thought we'd marry some of them when they came home. I remember having "serious" talks with some of my close guy friends about how our future spouses would have to accept that we were super tight and would remain that way forever...And now, I have 1 friend from high school that I'm in regular contact with...whatever regular means, (texting or talking about once a week, and lunch every couple weeks is regular, right?) and a handful of others that I see or talk to every 2 to 6 months. And 1 or 2 others that I get a yearly update from, usually a mass Christmas email. I think my really tight group of 15-20 people has had 2 of those "monthly dinner parties" in the past 10 years, but I bet that's more than most.

I also remember thinking I'd only go to the 10 year reunion if I was married, and I was sure I would be...I never made a plan for if I was divorced. Then, a couple years ago I remember thinking I'd only go if I was single.

Well, here we are. Just a few short months away. And, as I expected, life has gone nothing like I expected.

I really did have some pretty amazing high school years, and when I do randomly run into old Roy High Alum its really fun to catch up.

So I guess the reunion might be fun...or I might be on an unexpected business trip to South America or something...I'll probably decide the day of...depending on what my hair looks like...

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

To love with all one’s soul and leave the rest to fate. –Vladimir Nabokov

Randi (my old AWESOME roommate) and Chris got married on Friday, January 11th, 2008. They had a dinner the night before in a really cool barn that is really far away (past Provo) and if you find the right address but you're not in the right city, you're still not there. It was a nice house though, in the other city. Me, Kristin and Moons were just gonna go ask them if they had any food, but we knew Chris and Diz would be mad. But we found it!!! Thanks to Chris and cell phones.

Chris and Randi singing at the wedding dinner. These two are so in love, they're perfect for each other...kinda makes me sick. (just kidding-ish)

Kristin, Me, Randi, Chris @ the dinner. Me, Kristin @ the reception.
Alex, Me, Steve @ the reception. Kristin, Diz, Me @ the Temple.
It was such a beautiful day, everything about it was so special and I'm glad I was a part of it.
(by the way, "Randi" and "Diz" are the same person)

"If you have to hang out with a Mormon, I'm the one to hang out with!"
Me and Moons @ the reception. Moons is one of Randi's best friends, and we're friends now too!

The unique cake toppers, one of them is from a game that Chris' family plays alot, the other one is this whistle man thing from Ukraine. Me and Wagner, he's an old friend from college who came with the maid of honor. We haven't seen each other for almost 4 years, (he says almost 3, but I promise it's almost 4) Anyway, it was random and fun to see him. Me and My Steve. The sexy single men waiting for the garter. -All at the reception, which was at Cactus and Tropicals.

Brook, Me, Kristin. How cute are these shoes?? and girls?!

Little John, Me, Big John, Kristin. Diz and Chris after the cake -oopsie! Aaron (Diz' brother) and Diz. Me and John. -Also, all at the reception.

Saying Good-Bye!!

I love you two so much and I'm gonna miss having you both around the old K.R.A.K. house...even though I don't live there anymore either. It'll never be the same!!

Love you, Love you, Good luck in Logan!
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Saturday, January 12, 2008

looking back on '07, and forward to '08.

**2007** (Rundown)

January- I bought a new car and made a debt free plan for my future.

February-I spent Valentines day and my birthday with Bryon (for the second year in a row, even though we weren't really dating either year.)

March- Mild depression set in (for the second year in a row, not because of Bryon.)

April- I went on a Mexico rediscovery vacation to overcome the mild depression. (for the second year in a row.)

May- I started planning my trip to Ukraine.

June- I went to Ukraine. Kristin moved in.

July- I was sad to be back from Ukraine and started thinking and planning for when I could go again. And I met Steve.

August- I planned alot of fun vacations but didn't go on any of them because I spent all of my money in Ukraine so I just worked, ALOT.

September- I went on a last minute life changing trip to Hawaii with my cousin Sara.

October- I quit my job. I met Zhenya. And I was Winnie the Pooh for Halloween.

November- I started working for KTA and almost moved to Hawaii.

December- I went to Ukraine instead of Hawaii.

**2008** (Projected)

January- Chris and Diz get married. (I cheated, they got married yesterday, pictures to come soon.)

February- I anticipate an early onset of the mild depression that usually sets in early March, so I book the Mexico rediscovery trip early...and go to Mexico.

March- I go to Ukraine -or- I go to China.

April- I get sick of living out of a suitcase but I get scared about the commitment of home ownership so I find a cute 2 bedroom apartment downtown Salt Lake to rent, and I move in. And maybe go to China.

May- I go to Kristin's graduation and I meet Andrew. He's great and we almost fall in love but then I leave again for Ukraine or another eastern European country and maybe Germany.

June- I finish 501 C3 paperwork and look for office space in Salt Lake. Dave and Neally get married, and I start to wonder if I'm a little envious of their happiness. For a couple weeks I go back and forth on how I feel about marriage, and then...

July- I get kinda bored and a little lonely so I buy a flat screen plasma TV and an angel bed.

August- I start planning my trip to Africa.

September- Kristin and I decide we need to spend a couple weeks of the winter months somewhere warm so we start planning our trip to New Zealand. And I think about being something other than Winnie the Pooh for Halloween.

October- I'm Winnie the Pooh for Halloween.

November- Me and Kristin go to New Zealand. And I go to the Celine Dion Concert!

December- I kiss my future husband under the mistletoe and it's magical. All my fears of commitment disappear. And we roast chestnuts on an open fire.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

andrea 101

I received an email "challenge" if you will, to post a blog called 101 things about me. So here goes. (3 days later) Ok, I finally finished, it was easier than I thought it would be and kinda fun.

1.Google earth blows my mind.

2. I was born on Feb. 20, 1980

3. I love wandering around Home Depot and Lowe's. I'm all about home improvements. I hope soon I'll have a home to improve.

4. I get alot of compliments on my eyes and my smile...that's all I got!

5. I struggle with stopping at red left turn arrows. Why can't they all just be yield on green lights?

6. I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

7. I'm very sarcastic. Sometimes too sarcastic.

8. I love to travel.

9. I've gone on 5 (that I remember)
last minute vacations.

One to a resort in Cabo San Lucas,
a cruise to Mexico, Los Angeles,
Seattle and Hawaii.

10. I love pedicures.

11. Shopping always makes me happy.

12. I have a hard time telling people my feelings. I have great conversations in my head or while driving alone in my car, but when it matters, it scares me more than anything. One of these days I'll do it. I bet it will feel empowering.

13. I'm not a great speller.

14. I love DVR. It's hard to watch live TV now.

15. In a couple weeks I will have been divorced for 4 years. Several people predicted I'd marry again within a year of my divorce. I guess I showed them.

16. Although I initiated my divorce it was still the hardest day of my life. (There's a line you wait in at the courthouse to sign papers for an uncontested divorce. I think being the notary who works that window would be the worst job in the world.) Bad gig.

17. I've had my heart broken 4 and a half times, (*For Kristin* Definition of a half broken heart: It's not completely broken but there are signs of a small fracture, and there is some pretty intense pain that will require some recovery time.) 2 of those times were by the same guy...but I still feel ok about second chances.

18. I love Celine Dion. I bought tickets to her SLC show over a year in advance.

19. I spent 2 months last year in Ukraine.

20. I have 3 brothers that I love more than they know.

21. My parents are pretty normal and I'm so grateful for that. I feel loved my them. They've done more for me that any parent should have to do and I know they'd do anything I ever need. They've been married for almost 30 years.

22. I wear flip flops for about 10 months out of the year. I wish I could do it year round.

23. I'm addicted to crushed ice. (Problems that cause this craving/addiction: anemia and sexual frustration. I suffer from both.)

24. I love chinese food.

25. I don't believe in fate or destiny.

26. I adapt well to most cultures and situations.
27. I love the Seattle Seahawks.

28. Curry in a Hurry is one of my favorite restaurants. I had a crush on the 26 year old Muslim owner and I was devastated when I learned he was married. He came to my house once to cook dinner for me and all my curry loving friends.

29. I've never gotten a ticket, but I have been pulled over...lots.

30. I hate sushi, and all seafood.

31. I dated a guy named George Washington.

32. I like my hair brown but everyone else likes it blonde,
it's almost always blonde, but I just dyed it brown.

I don't know how I feel about it this time.

33. I love to laugh.

34. I can't sleep with socks on.

35. I've never read a Harry Potter book or seen a Harry Potter movie and I don't ever plan on it.

36. I'm a pisces.

37. I don't know if I know what love is. My idea of it continues to change.

38. I hate being cold, and I'm cold all the time.

39. I pop my knuckles if I'm nervous or bored...or if they need to be popped. (And it doesn't cause arthritis.)

40. I LOVE getting flowers. It's the best thing ever.

41. I have a girl crush on Jennifer Aniston.

42. I sing loud in my car.

43. I've become the next girl, girl. I make guys perfect for the girl right after me.

44. I remember alot about my dreams, and I dream alot.

45. Me and my youngest brother have the
most in common of all the kids in my family.

46. Sometimes I feel more alone with people, than I do when I'm alone.

47. I love going to Jazz games. And I like the old school logo better.

48. I don't like Oprah.

49. I love Ellen.

50. I don't like being told what to do.

51. I broke my ankle on a date. He carried me into the ER and I had surgury that night, he was still there when I woke up.

52. I've successfully convinced my Grandma that I'm her favorite Grandchild.

53. I LOVE The Office.

54. I always eat the cookie before I read the fortune.

55. I love roller coasters.

56. I hated avocados and didn't dare touch them until I was 24,
now I love 'em.

57. I'm not good at math.

58. I'm going to write a book.

59. I love Radio From Hell on X96. And I've dated the producer Richy T...but who hasn't?

60. I'm a really good tipper.

61. I have 2 friends that I've known a year or less and they both know everything about me (and they still love me) and I know they'd do anything for me, and I'd do anything for them.

62. I love hosting parties. I get really creative and go all out.

63. I wish I could have a full body massage everyday.

64. I have a wierd thing with names. When I travel, go out, or date I always meet guys with the same names. (i.e. Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve. Brian, Bryon, Brian. Danny, Danny. Ben, Ben, Ben. Chris, Chris. Eric, Erick. Tom, Tom. Mike, Michael. Joe, Joe, Joey.) Sometimes it makes it easy, mostly it's really confusing. Here's an example of how to keep it straight: My Steve, Hugging Steve, Little Whipple, Steve Key West, Internet Steve. Tah duh!

65. I've been to 24 US states. Alabama, Arizona, California, Colorada, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Maryland, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Washington and Wyoming. I want to go to all of them.

66. I've been to 14 countries. USA, Mexico, Germany, Italy, Belgium, France, Switzerland, Ukraine, Poland, Czech Republic, Luxembourg, Austria, Netherlands and Vatican City.

67. I want to visit all 7 continents, I'm at 2 so far.

68. I collect key chains. I buy one everywhere I go and I have friends and family who buy them for me when they travel.

69. I love big crazy necklaces, and I own way too many.

70. I love taking pictures and scrapbooking.

71. I've moved 16 times. 14 of the 16 were after age 18.

72. I don't really like ice cream.

73. I hate Wal-Mart. Here's why.

74. I'm the co-founder of a paranormal society. K.A.P.S.

(Kristin and Andrea's Paranormal Society)

75. I like the smell of Glass Plus and Foam.

76. I wish I could speak every language.

77. I love gerbera dasies and roses.

78. I'm liberal, but just by Utah standards.

79. I have a couple of my kids names picked out.

80. Some of my nick names are: Drea, Grace, Ange, Green Ho, AndrEE, Pabloette, G, Spange, Sis, DreDre, Ange-bo. Ange is the best.

81. I'm livin' the dream.

82. I have metal in my ankle and you can feel it through my skin. In the winter in hurts alot
because the metal gets really cold.

83. I'm a certified Down, Feather & Textile Analyst.

84. I've had a pillow for 13 years that I don't sleep well without. It's called my Squishy.

85. When I was young it was my job to clean the bathroom. In an attempt to make it somewhat enjoyable I would pretend like I was doing commercials with the cleaning products. I'd hold them up in the mirror and talk about how great they were, then I'd do demonstrations on the counter top.

86. I have alot of faith in mankind. I think there are alot more good people in the world than bad.

87. I have an extreme phobia
of things getting close to my eyes,
and I can't watch other people
get close to their own eyes.
(make-up, contacts, eye drops, etc.)
It makes me cry.

88. I get emotional every time I hear the song "Christmas Shoes."

89. I never met my Dad's Dad.

90. I've been told a few times that I'm cute when I cry. I think I look like an illegal drug abuser.

91. My favorite colors are red and purple.

92. I'm alot more comfortable talking to guys than girls.

93. I want to learn to play the guitar. I have a guitar, I just don't know how to play it.

94. As I've gotton older I've become more guarded. There are a few people who know alot about me, but it takes me awhile to open up to people.

95. I come across very confident and I have and opinion on most things, but I'm kind of insecure.

96.I have two completely different plans of what I'd like to do with my life and they don't mix well with each other.

97. People think I'm a great cook. My old roommates called me Betty Crocker. Really, I just find simple things to make that taste good.

98. I'll probably never own a pair of stiletto heels.

99. Sometimes I say borderline inappropriate things just for shock value.

100. I was a Pallbearer at my Grandma's funeral.

101. I'm a yellow/red personality type. I think it's the best combination.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

it's a small world after all.

On July 4th 2007, I was at Sugar House Park watching the fireworks. I was very aware on this night of how much cell phone usage was going on. The sky was lit up with fireworks and the grass was lit up with cell phone back lights. Who were all these people talking to and text messaging? And if it was so important to try and communicate with them during all the loud explosions and excitement and masses of people, then why weren’t they together? The next night I went for a walk in Sugar House. I was walking along 11th East passing by all the store fronts. I noticed the same thing at Fat’s Grill and Sugar House Coffee. There were a lot of people at both locations, loud music, singing, laughing, yet still there were a lot of people using their cell phones. I sat on a bench outside and watched as several people left the restaurants and came outside to talk on their phones. Again it begged the question, Why aren’t they with these people that are apparently so important that these conversations cant wait?

I haven’t thought about that for a long time, maybe never. But for some reason I woke up this morning thinking about it. It could have been because yesterday I was waiting for an important phone call from China, (with an “i” Kristin and Sam), and I’d had my phone glued to me for about 24 hours. Kristin, Sam and I were at dinner last night and I got up and went to the bathroom, leaving my purse and phone at the table, and during those 5 minutes that I was gone I missed the important phone call. Maybe all those people on the 4th of July were talking to Chyna. Wait, China. ;)

Anyway, this morning my mind continued to wonder. I thought about all the technology we have and how truly easy it is to communicate with anyone around the world at anytime. We can talk for free through Goggle Talk, AOL IM, ICQ, MSN, Y! Messenger, Skype, and I’m sure there are others. We can text, and send pictures and videos from our phones to anyone from anywhere. We can see each other while we talk through web cams, and we can access the internet from our ipods and cell phones from all over the world. And we can receive emails in seconds. This technology thing is really taking off! For a minute it all kinda makes the world feel just a little bit smaller. But then I think about places I wish I could be and people I wish I could see and I’m once again reminded that the world is oh so gigantic.

Now this song is stuck in my head:

It's a world of laughter
A world of tears
It's a world of hopes
And a world of fears
There's so much that we share
That it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all

There is just one moon
And one golden sun
And a smile means
Friendship to everyone
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small world after all.

Friday, January 4, 2008

We don’t know a millionth of one percent about anything. –Thomas A. Edison

I’m back from Ukraine. It was a really great trip, better than I expected. It was nice to go back again so soon after my first trip and be more of a “learner” and not so much a “server.” Let me explain. When I went to Ukraine in June, my attitude and goal was more or less to “save the world.” And sure, I’m really happy about the things I did in June, but I’ve learned a lot sense then. (And I still don’t know anything.) People were really surprised in the summer when I got home to hear that I went on my own and not with some service group or organization. And while I spent most of my time serving and volunteering it was nice to set my own agenda and sometimes just sit and observe. This trip in December was just to learn. I quickly learned in December that my attitude in June was somewhat naive and arrogant; to think that this country in Eastern Europe couldn’t survive without the help of us rich, smart, well developed Americans. Ukraine is doing fine. Sure they have problems, just like any other country, including America. But there are a lot of good people there, doing their best to do good things for each other. I don’t really know what point I’m trying to make. I guess just that I’m learning a lot, and the more I learn the more I realize I don’t know anything…so I’ll just keep learning.

There were several times on my trip to Ukraine where I thought, “Life can’t get any better than this.” I think I can honestly say that I was happier in the month of December 2007 than I think I have ever been. It was so amazing to feel so happy and so alive. I don’t think I’ve ever had a moment in my life where I thought; I wish I could freeze time and feel this happy for as long as possible. I had moments like that in Ukraine. It just kept getting better and better. I learned so much about important things in life. Things I want and don’t want, things I’m capable of, my fears, hopes, dreams, goals, beliefs, friends, relationships, my ability to communicate, my strengths and ability to endure. And I learned that I still have a heart. (I was starting to wonder.) And while I did in fact come home broken-hearted, (another blog for another day…maybe), I still wouldn’t change anything about the experience.

The luxurious thing about my life is that I don’t have to prove to myself anymore that I can do anything that I really want to, anyone can. Everything I’m doing now, I’m doing because I love to. I feel good about the direction my life is going, and I’m not scared anymore to try. I realized several months ago that I’ll never succeed at anything until I’m not afraid to fail. I probably would have attempted to do more in my life if I could have gotten over my fear of failure earlier.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

You are always on your way to a miracle. -Sark

In October of 2005 my parents hosted 2 Ukrainian orphans who were here with the Save a Child Foundation, a foundation that my uncle started to help families become more aware of the need for older kids to be adopted. Neither of the girls that stayed with my family were adoptable. One of the girls, Vika, had several siblings at the orphanage and her mother and other family members came to visit her on a regular basis. The other little girl Katia, didn’t have anyone who would come visit and we weren’t sure if she had siblings. We found out during her time in Utah that her mom was in prison and was suppose to be getting out within a year and was coming to get her daughter. We tried to stay in contact with Katia, but shortly after her return to Sumy she was taken from the orphanage and put into a foster care program. We tried to find her but were unsuccessful. We heard different stories, that she’d been adopted by a Ukrainian family, that her mom had her, that she was at a different orphanage. We were never sure where she was. Well, at the beginning of December when I got to Ukraine I got in contact with the translator for Adoption Way and asked her if she could try and find anything out for me. She said she would but I wasn’t too hopeful.

The weekend before Christmas, Zhenya and I rented a car and drove to Sumy, (about 4 hours away from Kiev.) Sumy is the city I spent all of my time when I was in Ukraine in June. We went to visit the kids at the orphanage and drop off some Christmas gifts. It was a really good weekend. During that weekend I got a call from Natasha from Adoption Way, and she had an address for Katia. I couldn’t believe it. She was in a village right near Sumy. On December 23rd when Zhenya and I were leaving Sumy we found the village and the house she was living in. I was so nervous. I couldn’t believe I might get to see her. The home didn’t have a phone so they didn’t know we were coming and I had no idea what to expect. Zhenya was so great during all of this. He went to the door and talked to a boy who went in the house and got the man who lives there. They talked a minute and we were told that Katia was at an apartment down the street visiting an older girl who use to live at this house but was now married. The first boy Zhenya talked to came with us to show us to the apartment. We knocked on the door, and were let in by a young lady who had 2 small children with her. Zhenya explained who we were and she led us to a bedroom. Katia was sitting on the bed in the room. I can’t explain all the emotions that went through me at that moment, so I’m not even going to try. I was overwhelmed. She remembered who I was and came up and hugged me. We were there for less than an hour, but it was so good to see her. I gave her a Christmas present, we looked at pictures of our family when she was in Utah with us, and I just sat and held her in my arms. I wanted to take her with me. It was so hard to say good-bye, again, but I held back the tears until we were driving away.

From the moment I saw this girl almost 2 and a half years ago, I felt like she was a part of our family. And seeing her again didn’t change those feelings, if anything, it made them stronger. As we were driving away I felt sick to my stomach. What did my visit do to her? She hadn’t seen or heard from me in over 2 years and then one afternoon I randomly show up at her door in Ukraine and visit for a few minutes and then leave. Children need consistency in there lives. They need to feel safe and loved. And seeing the situation she was living in, I’m sure she doesn’t feel any of those much. Was it a bad thing that I saw her? Is she sadder now than she looked when I first saw her sitting on the bed? Is she confused and wondering why I was there and if she’ll ever see me again? Katia is 10 years old and she has an 8 year old brother who also lives at that house with her. Isn’t she beautiful.

I’m not sure yet what my next step will be…
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