Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Good-bye bastard.

A couple weeks ago I decided I don't want to die from skin cancer. So, I called Avanti Skin and Wellness Center and scheduled a consultation. Long story short, I have sun damage from years ago that has surfaced into ugly spots on my shoulders, upper back and chest. The estatition could not believe how much darker my skin is now than it naturally is. And, if these spots don't get treated and everything under them brought to the surface and destroyed, I'd probably have skin cancer soon.

That was enough to scare me. I had to wait a couple weeks to do the first treatment because my skin needed to fade so the laser wouldn't burn my bronzeness that I've worked so hard on. So for 2 weeks, I've been exfoliating, sun screening, and watching the pasty white Andrea return. I feel really white, but I'm still pretty dark compared to most.

Today was the day of my first laser treatment. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. It took about an hour and it consisted of ultrasound gel and lasers hitting EVERY spot on me. The laser feels like a needle full of acid piercing and shocking your body. And then when the hour is up and the gel is removed and the Post Laser Lotion is applied, you'd assume pure joy would follow. Nope, the pain actually gets worse. I can't even explain it, it's like the worst sunburn ever...and I know none of you have ever had a sunburn as bad as this feels. I guess it's more like being on fire and having the person who extinguishes you use acid instead of water and then they take all your money and tell you to have a good day.

I thought I was gonna die on the drive home. The only thing that stopped me from taking my clothes off in the car was knowing that the sun would hit my skin. I was screaming because the pain was so bad. At one point I yelled, "HOLY SH*T! I JUST SPENT 1500 DOLLARS FOR THIS!?!?!" Then I wondered if I hit the guard rail hard enough if I would die on impact (that was the goal) but if I happened to unfortunately survive I'd have to stand in the sun with a cop telling him what happened and then I'd go to jail for indecent exposure. Because I promise you, my shirt would have come off at some point. Sorry for being a little over dramatic, the total was only $1,467.52...(saying $1500.00 was the only dramatic part.)

I made it home, ran in the house, stripped down, got my swim suit wrap thing wet and wrapped up in that. Then I took a couple pics, and now I'm typing. It's been 2 and a half hours and I'm feeling a little relief from the pain. Here are the yucky pictures, and it's worse in real life. They say it gets worse before it gets better. The spots have become darker, my skin has stripes, I might get swollen, and look a little scabby for a couple days. 4 more of these torture treatments in the next 12 weeks and then I'll hopefully post some amazing 'after' pictures. I can't believe I have to do this 4 more times. I'm really gonna have someone drive me next time. I'm a danger to others on the road.


whattherandi said...

Just remember, Andrea. No matter how pale you get, you will never be as pale as me. Use that as your comfort in these trying times. You will always be tan compared to me. God speed.

Rin said...

Ugh!! OH man, I've had that bad of a sunburn and I don't think I could ever put myself through it willingly. I totally know what it feels like to be on fire. In fact, that sunburn was so bad that I had to call out of work for a week because I couldn't walk. I had swelled up so bad that all the fluid in my legs would shift and I couldn't bend my was truly the most pain I've ever been in.

james said...

Sad :( Do you need some Spoon Me? Just say the word and I'm there.

brian said...

I think you'll still be a hottie even as Andrea Pasty White. That's a good name for you. Sorry about the pain. :-) be happy.

Platt Family said...

Looks pretty sucky!! But at least you won't get cancer!