...that's the worst kind of security. Except maybe working security at an art museum, that would be really boring. But false sense is up there on the list.
Last night I got a little blindsided by a good friend of mine...kinda my best friend these days. It hurt. It probably would have hurt less to get plowed over by a freight train. Come on, if I wasn't a little dramatic people would think something was really wrong.
I'll keep this short, I just need a quick blogosphere vent session. (which I try not to do, by the way)
Over the past few months a lot has changed in my life. I've felt relationships being strained and friendships kind of dissolving . Mostly because of the spiritual journey I'm on. I've distanced myself from people but I've also felt it happen to me. It's my decision though and I know there will always be consequences for my decisions, and I also feel blessed for the good changes I'm making and my desire for truth.
Ok, I guess I'm almost done. I'm just grateful for the friendships that are remaining consistent in my life. Every Sunday I go to a new church. I am always the new person with a story. I'm always by myself, (which surprisingly I like at church for some reason) I never know what to expect. And I always have questions and wish I felt like I belonged somewhere. Tonight I went on a walk with my new friend Dave and I described my relationship with most evangelicals like my relationship with my little group of Ukrainian friends. There are 4 or 5 Ukrainians that I spend time with when I'm there. They all speak english, so when we go to dinner or sight seeing or whatever it starts out in english but I find that as the conversation goes on it eventually turns into russian, and I feel myself fading out. That's how I feel with Christians sometimes. When we start spiritual or theological conversations I get it, but the longer it goes on and the deeper we get the more I feel like I fade. The more I learn I realize the less I know. I've felt a big need for consistency these days. So to those of you who have said you'll be there no matter what...and actually are there no matter what. Thank you. I'm a huge mess right now, but I'm so thankful for those who are hanging in there with me. I have good friends and more importantly good family. Sometimes (almost always) I'm maybe too hard on myself. I think I'm doing alright.
So I'll close with this, the profound words of one of my awesomest roommates ever, Diz.
"I am enough, and there is more."