I know, two in one day, as if my almost daily posts aren't a little over-kill already. But I wanted to write about this when it was fresh on my mind.
I had a dream last night that I was filling out some new patient paper work at a doctors office. And I got to the page that has 50 or so illnesses/diseases listed and you have to check the ones that you have or a family member has. Most of them are ones you've never heard of, among more common ones like stroke, heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. But in my dream that page was full of types of depression. Some descriptions that didn't even make sense. Chronic Depression, Clinical Depression, Postpartum Depression, Sleep Apnea Depression, Prenatal Depression, Weight Gain due to Depression, Weight Loss due to Depression, etc. The list went on and on. In my dream I felt like I had to check every single one of them or I'd be lying to the doctor.
I haven't talked much about my depression on here and I probably won't too much. But I think I do need to update about it from time to time. Our councillor is really helping me a lot. I feel like I've gotten a bit better over the past couple months. I have down days and weeks. I even have down hours where the day is great and then a 'dark cloud' if you will, comes over me for no reason. I hate it so very bad. Some things that I've discovered that help me are exercise, making time to be creative whether that be a craft or baking something fun, and a clean house. I try hard to have a good balance of these things every week.
I've become more excited about having another baby. But with that excitement comes an equal amount of fear of a major crash postpartum. Paul and I have had a couple real serious talks about me starting some medication after the baby is born. We still don't know how we're going to go about that yet.
On Sunday there was a post secret that I could have written. Probably most people who battle depression but really enjoy life as well will totally get this. It read, "I wish my depression could understand how great my life really is so it would leave me alone."
This may be something I struggle with my entire life in some form or another, but I'm so grateful for the good days, family, good friends, and people who are well trained and willing to help.