Wednesday, October 24, 2012

not my banner week as a mom.

I had two days last week were I swear to you, I was being punked.  Every time we arrived anywhere BOTH kids were soaked through.  Like, I'd change them and we'd leave and they'd drink nothing and 10 minutes later we'd arrive somewhere and it was as though a gallon of water pee had been poured in their laps.  How do they do it??  Addie went pant-less on more than one occasion, and Garrett had a diaper change on the ground at October-fest behind one of those wooden-painted-poke-your-face-through-photo-op signs.  And the next night we stopped at a store on our way to dinner and he was so wet that he rode to dinner in just his diaper, while I held his clothes out the window to dry while Paul drove.  And he went into the restaurant in wet pants that were too short, a jacket zipped all the way up without a shirt on underneath, and no shoes. I should get a metal.  Oh, and I failed to mention that on the drive, (in just the diaper) he ate one of those cracker snacks with soft cheese, and decided to use the cheese as body paint.  And I sure did put his pee soaked man capris on right over his cheese legs.  Baths later are easier than a whole box of wipes now.  That's kinda become my motto.

Speaking of Garrett, I saw an ecard on pinterest that said, "I just punished my child for acting EXACTLY LIKE ME."  Garrett is a strong-willed, independent  free spirit.  Just like me.  And it drives me crazy.  We're going though a bit of a rough patch, he and I, and I've had some moments I'm not proud of.  I want to not yell at him.  And I swear he knows it, and some days wakes up in the morning, his sole mission being to get me to do just that.  A couple of days ago he Melted. Down. because I wouldn't let him have bubble gum and frappuccino for breakfast.  Yesterday, while I was in the other room with Addie, (I'd left him in the dining room playing with a fold-out Curious George magnet board thing that I thought he was really in to), he climbed up onto the kitchen counter and ate an entire bowl of caramel popcorn (probably about 2 cups)!  And right as I walked in the room to check on him he was licking his hands, and he looked up at me and said, "nom, nom, nom." (I can't get mad at that part, it was really good.)

On Monday we were heading out to go curtain shopping with my sister in law.  (Same day as the bubble gum incident, actually.)  I was late.  Garrett was mad.  Our van was in the shop so we loaded in the Explorer  that doesn't have a DVD player in it (!), and the gas tank was beyond empty, wow, there was enough gas to actually start it, empty.  I drove to the nearest gas station with a screaming toddler, a surprisingly happy Addie, and me saying, "please oh please oh please make it" over and over again.  And we made it!  Have I told you that some parts of California have broken the 5 dollar a gallon mark the past couple weeks? But the gas station I pulled into was only $4.77, so I guess it was my lucky day! ha...ha...  I turned to Garrett and very loudly and diplomatically explained to him that I needed him to BE QUIET for a minute while I got some gas.  I was yelling as I dug through my purse...digging...digging...finally dumping everything on the seat....  No wallet.  NO BLEEPING WALLET!!!  I called Paul and calming said, "Will you please run upstairs and see if you can find my #@&*^$@ wallet?"  He found it and I started driving home.  Then it happened.  (No I didn't run out of gas.) At a stop light I turned to Garrett and yelled at him louder than I've ever yelled at him before.  He stopped crying.  He looked at my, like I was a crazy mom possessed by satan.  I apologized over and over and I think I cried a little.  We made it home.  We made it to the gas station.  We made it to Annie's.  Everyone was fine and it was an ok day.  That night Garrett gave me a kiss good night and was walking down the hall with Paul to go to bed.  I called him back and he came back to me.  I sat down on the floor and took his hands.  I told him again how sorry I was for losing my temper in the car.  I told him that I want to try harder and be better but that I'm still going to make mistakes sometimes.  But that I love him so much and that I always will.  He gave me a little smile and then he turned and sat on my lap, snuggled in and gave me a hug.  He got up and Paul took him to bed and I just sat on the floor and cried for a few minutes.

Then the next day I did what I told Garrett I would do, I tried harder to be better.


Heidi Rogers said...

This has been my life lately. I've taken to repeating, "Help me God. Help me Lord." over and over and over until I can calmly respond. It's helped over the last week. That, and stopping to think a minute about what he's going through instead of just what I'm feeling. It's really hard.

Becks said...

Welcome to parenting not-babies :) James and I both have strong tempers. I've just learned that when I'm mad (or he's mad) we need a break. Moms need time outs too, you know :)

cindat said...

Is it bad that I found myself smiling through your post? The memories flooded back. Not that those memories are good ones, but I could totally relate. I think all moms can. How do those sweet little faces bring out the worst in us? I don't know how, but they do. You are a wonderful beautiful mommy who is learning to be kind and gentle and good even in the hardest of situations. God is using this time in life to refine you and make you more like Him. Sometimes we have to apologize. Sometimes we have to cry. In the long run it makes us better people and when this time in life is over, we can look at those coming behind and smile because we can relate, knowing the power of our kid's love in our lives.
I'll be praying for you...

Karl said...

Oh wow. With this many adventures, God must think you have the capabilities of a superhero. You're doing an awesome job with those kids. I love your FB posts.

And just remember, nothing's as therapeutic as a good cry. Take time for them as often as necessary.