Saturday, May 15, 2010

On being a mom when I'm not one yet.

Mother's day kind of took me by surprise this year. I think it was probably the easiest mother's day I'll ever have. No diapers to change, no crying baby, not chasing a little hyper one around, no scraped knees to bandage, no home work to help with, no one scared of the dark...that's about all mom's deal with right?

I guess I don't feel like a mom yet. I know there is a lot changing and that I've made some changes over the past 5 months. But I don't feel like I've become a mom, its more that my body is not my own right now and I'm doing all I can to make it a safe healthy place for another human to grow.

Anyway, starting at 8:27 Sunday morning, I started getting Happy Mother's Day texts. I received several texts, a phone call, a couple emails, facebook messages, several Happy Mother's Day wishes at church along with a few belly rubs, (which isn't as weird as I thought it would be) a gift from my cute sister-in-law, a card in the mail from the in-laws, and a gift and card from my hubster. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciated all these people thinking of me. But I guess I just didn't think about it before last Sunday.

I spent some time on mom's day wondering how I'll feel next mother's day, and also thinking about the past few months, and how my due date keeps getting closer. The time is going by so fast. It really is. The first couple weeks of knowing were the slowest 2 weeks of my life, but the past 14 weeks have gone by almost too fast.

It's amazing how quickly you forget all the little details of weird things that happen or change during pregnancy, and I'm still in my pregnancy and can't remember a lot of detail. Maybe forgetting is all part of a bigger plan. Probably a lot of women would stop after one if they could remember all the details. It was amazing to me on that day in week 14 when I magically didn't get sick at 3 PM, and my dinner didn't end up in the toilet 10 minutes later. I found myself, by week 15, when people asked how I was feeling or if I was sick a lot saying, "I'm great!" or "It really hasn't been that bad." When just a few short weeks (or days) before that I would have told them that there was an actual terrorist in me trying to kill me from the inside.

It was crazy to no longer panic if I was going to be in the car for more that 15 minutes and I forgot my bland snack. That snack was mostly saltines. Oh how I consumed the saltines. No living thing should ever depend on saltines like I did, unless you're a parrot. And I started to work more than 20 hours a week and not feel like I'd worked 50. I could stay up past 8:30 PM and not need to sleep until 8:30 AM. The red splotches on my forehead from all the throw up sessions started to fade. (This next one is not a good one) I gained weight instead of losing weight. I didn't get up 3 times between 12am and 6am. I could go on but I won't.

I tried not to complain because I didn't want to ever come across as ungrateful or unhappy about my child, but there were days, ask Paul. The 2 friends I was pregnant with at work both sadly lost their babies. One at just over 14 weeks and one at 18 weeks. It was so sad, and a little uncomfortable being the only one pregnant. It made me almost thankful for the really sick days and the really tired days because I know they both would have traded me places in a second.

Oh and about the whole forgetting the bad parts, I hope I say the same thing after labor pains and contractions and delivery. I never want to forget the moments, just the pain. (**To all you Moms** Please leave me a comment telling me I'll forget.)

I started this post like 4 days ago, and I have no idea how I was gonna wrap it up. So I'll just say I had a happy mother's day. I love my mom. I love being pregnant. And happy late mother's day to all you moms out there (who are gonna tell me I'll forget the pain... ;)).

Here is my 21 week mother's day belly.


Heidi said...

A few weeks after I had Langdon, someone asked me to describe the pain of contractions, and I couldn't. I can't tell you what they feel like. I had already forgotten. But I haven't forgotten the mindset I was in and the thoughts that passed through my head while I was in labor, "I can't do this. I need drugs. We're adopting our next child..." However, immediately when it's over, even though the memory of the pain is there, you feel it's all worth it. I imagine for #2, I'll feel like the physical pain and the sleepless nights are all worth it for what I end up with, not that I won't remember how hard it was.

Adrian said...

Pain? There is pain involved? I dont remember. Just wait till your holding you little babe in your arms right after delivery. Talk about a "What? I'm a mom moment!" It's all so surreal.
You have so many great times ahead of you. I am so excited for you. You will be a wonderful mom.

Platt Family said...

You will forget!! The Lord does this for a reason, so you will have more kids!! I actually have never really had contractions until this pregnancy! My first pregnancy and labor and delivery and postpartum was literally hell, and I still had another one! It will be ok!!!

shauna/doug said...

Yes, the whole thing just becomes one wonderful memory as soon as you hold that little baby in your arms. I didn't even remember how bad labor was until I was in it again. Hey, do it natural, because it only lasts for a short time. Thanks for the picture. Please put more. I want to see this! I am proud of you. SL

Elizabeth said...

Cute picture! I love reading your blog. I had pitocin, and it generated some difficult labor issues, so I'd like to say that if it goes along w/o pitocin you'll feel great! ha, I have no idea, but i've heard it's easier and less intense w/o pitocin. And I really, don't truly remember how it felt, so I think you will forget too, it's one of those gifts we're given- to forget the feeling- i'm sure!