Project 365: 8-15

January 8- My mom had gone home and Garrett wanted to go see the new puppy (baby woof), so we did.  And before heading home, we all took an evening dip in the hot tub.

January 9- Just after getting home from the hot tub soak, Addie had a little fall and lost a tooth.  So, after a night in the ER, this day was spent at the dentist and pediatrician.

January 10- Tangelos are in season right now and my Poppy-in-law (Paul's Grandpa) has a couple of trees exploding with them.  They can't be picked fast enough, so it's the perfect time to juice.  Tangelos are kind of a mix between tangerines and oranges.  Super juicy and yummy.

January 11- Addie has started waking Garrett up when she's bored, so we're very aware of using the security gate when she's up and he's not.  They're good at bugging each other, but the amount they love each other makes up for the hard times.

January 12- My friend, Kim, is having a baby girl next month.  She's doing a nautical nursery.  Such a fun idea for a girl.  I'd looked at the couple of pictures she'd posted on FB of the crib mobile, and also checked her pinterest nursery board, and came up with a couple of things to make to match the theme.  A photo display block, and a baby snuggler.  The snuggler is a rice bag to heat and warm the spot before laying baby down, and/or contour next to your swaddled baby so it feels like warm mamma's arm.  Then everyone sleeps! (ha...ha)

January 13- Paul took the kids to his folks' house for the day because I had a long list hanging over my hard of half done projects that I wanted to finish.  I wasn't feeling too motivated when they left, but I got busy and completed 5 of the 7 things on my list, and started a new one.  It felt so good to get things done!  I found this table several months ago at the side of the road.  It used to have a glass top I'm assuming, but it wasn't with the table.  I measured the spot and had Home Depot cut a dry erase board for a couple of bucks, then I cleaned and  primed it.  Then it sat in my craft room for months... I finally spray painted the table.  It's not in perfect shape, but it's perfect for the kids to draw on, play with trains, and it has a shelf underneath, and we always need more toy storage space.  I like how it turned out.

January 14- I'm trying to update some photo walls and I was painting frames.  Garrett always wants to help. He found this doodle pal monkey that he got for Christmas so I let him go to town.  It's kind of a stupid idea.  And I'm sure now he thinks coloring on stuffed animals is ok.  That monkey will soon disappear from our lives and I'm sure he won't miss it.

January 15- Paul works Saturday, so he had this day off.  We went to Old town Orange and walked around.  Then we had lunch at Choo Choo Ruby's.  (The Ruby's diner at the Orange train station.)  Garrett loves it there.  Here is my family outside my favorite shop at the circle, Heavenly Hostess.  Addie is loving her foot freedom, and is shockingly fast.  Paul and I laugh at how well she already keeps up with Garrett.

The list on my phone...

I have a list on my phone of things I don't want to forget to mention at some point on my blog, mostly uninteresting stuff, but stuff I want to remember.  Instead of blogging about any of it though, the list just keeps growing.  So this may be my most random post to date, but it's everything on my list!

1.  It takes Garrett about a week to recover after being with my mom.  This last time was the worst one yet. He cries for Mimi.  He wants to call her all the time.  Putting him to bed is usually simple, but after Mimi leaves it's an emotional nightmare, and often I just have to let him cry himself to sleep.  As soon as he wakes up he asks for her.  And he tells me he's sad, just out of the blue.  His bottom lip quivers when I tell him it'll be a few weeks before we can see her again, and when he hears that, the poor little guys eyes well up and he fights back the tears.  When we do talk to her on the phone he won't say good-bye because he doesn't want it to end, so when I finally just give up and hang up he cries and cries...   "No!  Mimi, Mimi! No!  Bye, Bye! No! BYE!"  It kind of breaks my heart.  But the heartless side of me got a picture of the last hang up, ya know, for the memories.

2.  Addie loves her big brother.  If she gets up in the morning before him (which she usually does), she's grumpy and fussy until he's awake.  A few days ago she was driving me nuts.  She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't play, she was getting into everything she shouldn't, and when I stopped her she'd cry and cry.  I finally heard Garrett waking up as I was doing the dishes, so I said, "Lulu, should we see if Garrett's awake?!"  She was digging in the garbage when I asked, and she looked up with a big smile and said, "Yeah!" as she ran past me.  I didn't think she'd go to his room because all the lights were off and the further you go down the hall the darker it gets.  Especially into Garrett's room because he doesn't have windows.  But sure enough, a few seconds later I hear through the monitor, "Hi!  Hi, hi, hi!! HIIIIII!!!!"  Then quietly from Garrett, "Hi, Wu."

2a.  Now whenever Garrett isn't around she runs to his room.  We have to remember to but the security gate in the hall if he's napping because she'll go wake him up if she's bored.

2b.  When I go to get her from her crib she looks past me to see if Garrett is coming in behind me.  And on the days he is there, she gets so excited.  She jumps up and down and laughs and says Hi!  Hi-Hi-yiyiyiyi!!

2c.  I get frustrated when G doesn't share with her or he tries to push her away, but when I sit and watch them, I'd probably do the same thing sometimes...she does not leave him alone!

3.  I never revisited my depression crash from back in October.  Here's the really short version.  The meds made me happy, but it felt like fake/medicated happy.  I can't explain that, so I won't try.  I also hated the weight gain side effect.  That was making me more depressed than depression.  I quit them one day, cold turkey.  If you're on anti-depressants and thinking of stopping, wean off them under doctor supervision.  Don't just stop one day.  Wow.  The withdrawal side effects were like nothing I'd ever experienced, or could describe.  Blurred vision, dizziness, insomnia, anxiety, headaches.  And the worst one, brain tremors.  It was awful and so scary.  And looking back, I'm not sure how I parented for those 2 weeks.  It took about 3 weeks to fully get over the withdrawal, but for about two weeks I laid down a lot, kept the house kind of dark, and didn't drive.  But I'm ok now.  I never took the meds again and I'm not on anything now.  Just taking Cod Liver Oil (awesome stuff) and exercising more.  I always feel a little scared, like, what if a crash is right around the corner.  But I feel really aware of myself and my situation and I feel like I'm managing my hard times better.

4.  And speaking of anti-depressants, (you may want to skip over this one, but I want it for my records).  I nursed Addie exclusively for almost 5 months.  And pumped and froze milk like I was a lone cow responsible for feeding a small village.  I knew I wanted and needed medication, but I put it off as long as I could because nursing was important to me.  When I started the meds, I still nursed for a while, but I'd take them at night right after a feeding and then try and go as long as possible without nursing or pumping, hoping to get them out of my system or something.  My doctor said it was ok to nurse, but I was nervous.  There were too many uneasy things I'd heard her say running through my head, like, "They say if you have to take something, this one's the best while nursing." or "You should be ok to keep nursing."  or "There's not much research about nursing while on this medication, but it's probably the best one for it."  I finally had my friend call her step-mom who is a family practice doctor, just to get more of a personal opinion.  She used similar responses, but when asked if she would nurse while on it, she said, "probably not."  I quit nursing.  I beat myself up and put myself down for needing medication more than wanting my baby to have my milk.  But I know it's what I had to do at that time in my life for myself and my family.  I had enough good milk in my freezer to give Addie formula and breast milk until she was almost 11 months old.  It's a lot better than I did with Garrett, and it's all I could provide for her, and I finally feel ok about it.

5.  My nephew is just over 3 months old and he's still in the NICU.  He's getting stronger everyday, but it's been a really long and slow process.  He still has a bad day from time to time, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel.  They learned a couple of weeks ago that he had Pyloric Stenosis so he had to have a small surgery for that.  He had a pretty bad day right after, but is doing much better now.  He'll go home on oxygen, so right now feeding is the main thing keeping him there.  They started bottle feeding yesterday and he's doing awesome.  He's a little trooper and I'm so proud of him and impressed with my brother and sister in law.  This has been a long hard road for them, and will continue to be for a while.

5a.  Something cool about William's situation.  A few weeks ago they were meeting with a nurse or therapist at the hospital about his future at home plans, and it was mentioned that they typically refer babies in this situation to have some speech therapy and help with feeding at the Learning Center of St. George.  This made Taylor's day because he is THEE Speech Therapist at The Learning Center of St. George and during his schooling he specialized in feeding.  Good career choice!  He'll be able to help William so much on a daily basis, and he knows what he's doing and is really good at it!

6.  I don't think I mentioned much about my mom's trip, other than in my first 365 post.  We didn't do much, but it was great to have her here, and it went by so fast.  We went on walks, played at the park, went out to eat, and she did some sewing for me.  I'd purchased fabric for some little cushion seats for the kids that looked easy enough to make.  I'm so glad she did them for me!  I'm not there yet in my sewing skills,  The kids love them.

7.  The kids love the play kitchen I made them for Christmas.  I may do a more detailed post about how I did it, but not right now.  We spend a lot of time eating plastic eggs and tomatoes, and drinking nothing from our cups, and licking a lot of fake ice cream cones.  Garrett has a great imagination.  I often see him push his sleeves up to "wash his hands" and he always "dries" them off.  He also uses a hot pad to open the oven door.  It's so cute.  He loves to lay his apron and hand towel on the ground and iron them.  I think we'll have years of fun with this addition to our playroom.

8.  Addie thinks all animals make the monkey sound.  It's probably because monkeys are Garrett's favorite animal at the moment and that's the sound he makes the most.  It's so cute though, when there's a dog on TV, Addie bounces up and down and says, "oo, oo, ah, ah."  She does it when she picks up her bunny and even sometimes when she's playing with a doll.  It's too soon to correct her because I like it too much.  I think Addie will talk at a much younger age than Garrett.  I haven't mentioned much about his delayed speech because my brother has worked with him and no one thinks we need to worry.  Garrett has just in the past couple of weeks started to put words together, like, "Mom help please."  "Two more cars."  "Wu go nigh night."  He's still a boy of few words, but it changes everyday and Whites and Greenhalghs have often been late talkers so I'm not worried.  Addie often tries to repeat things she hears and she has a handful of pretty clear words already.  The older they get, the more I feel like they'll learn new things together...like maybe how to pee in the potty...

Just finished being Santa...moving on to the Tooth Fairy.

It took a lot for me to give this post a lighthearted title.

I'm mostly ok with the events of January 8th, but I still have back and forth moments of being sad.

My mom had left that morning and it was officially the end of our holiday vacation.  We'd had visitors twice, celebrated Christmas, and been on a vacation.  Needless to say, it had been over two weeks since my kids were on their normal schedules.  Anyway, we'd all just sat in the hot tub at my in-laws and the drive home was super mellow and relaxed.  My plan was to put the kids to bed, exercise for 30 minutes, then go to bed myself, hopefully by 9:30.  I even said to Paul, "I think this will be the first time ever that I go to bed before 'Parenthood' even starts."

We got home and Garrett and I were in the living room, Paul took Addie to her room to put her jammies on.  I was washing some lettuce and the monitor was sitting on the counter top.  I heard Paul's normal diaper changing sound effects.  It was kind of muffles, but I heard him say, "No, no, no!"  I figured Addie had put her hand in a dirty diaper or something.  Then I heard screaming, from Paul and Addie... I still wasn't sure if they were playing or really screaming.  Then I heard my name.  I took off down the hall.  Paul was running down the hall toward me hold the screaming Addie.  All I remember is him saying, "She fell, she fell!"  Addie turned toward me and her face was covered in blood.  I then saw Paul's shirt, also covered in blood.  We ran to the kitchen and I grabbed towels.  I felt like I started hyperventilating and I also started to cry.  To say there was blood pouring out of her mouth is accurate.  I was trying to get the story from Paul, but it didn't matter.  I couldn't wipe away the blood fast enough to see a cut anywhere.  It was literally pooling in her mouth within seconds of me sopping it up.  But I finally saw.  The dark hole in her gums.  "PAUL! HER TOOTH IS GONE!"  It can't be real.  Teeth don't just get knocked out. It's a movie thing.  Not a real life, one year old little girl thing. Poor Garrett watching me cry/freak out/seeing all the blood.  Poor Addie in pain.  Poor Paul feeling responsible.  "Paul, go find the tooth!!"  He ran down the hall.  I called my FIL to meet us at the ER and take G.  We were in the car and on the way.  I squatted in the van next to Addie the whole way, saying, "I'm so sorry baby girl, I'm so sorry."  I got her to drink some warm water on the way and the bleeding let up quite a bit.

Fast forward to the ER.  Paul and I walk through the double doors, each holding a kid.  The room was packed and really quiet.  Garrett was wearing bright green shorty shorts with an over-sized bright yellow t-shirt, no socks, no shoes.  Addie was wearing a t-shirt and diaper, no pants, shoes or socks, with blood on her face and shirt.  Paul was wearing a dress shirt covered in blood.  I really was going to exercise and go to bed, so I had no make-up on, and had changed into work-out clothes.  And this may come as a surprise to you, but when I put on my work-out clothes, I don't look like a sponsored athlete.  If I listened closely, I could hear the applause for parents of the year.

I'll be the first to admit that if I'm at the ER, I'm there because I feel like my situation is an emergency, so unless you get wheeled in on a stretcher or you're carrying your own arm, you should wait your turn.  But when I heard it would be over an hour that I had to stand there holding my crying bloody baby, I did some really loud complaining to Paul, right by the check-in desk, and we were with a doctor in less than 5 minutes.    No concussion, no broken bones, and nothing they could do about the tooth.  The ER doc told us to give her tylonol, and check her often throughout the night and then to follow up with our pediatrician.

Addie slept great.  Paul and I didn't.  I got up early and made an appointment with her doctor.  Paul called his dentist friend from the Lion's Club, and he got us right in.  It was very comforting talking to the dentist, (who had a son who, when he was 8 months old, had a tooth get knocked out).  He told me that the risks/discomfort of a spacer are much greater than just embracing the new little window in her mouth that will be there for several years, until her permanent teeth come in.  It would require a fake tooth, a wire in her mouth bridging them together that would be in there until she started losing other baby teeth, and general anesthesia.  I started feeling better about the gap after that visit.  We really didn't need to go to the pediatrician, but I figured, what the hell, what's one more co-pay.  He just checked her again for concussion symptoms, and told us to call for an antibiotic if we saw any swelling.  (The dentist also told us that same thing.)  We also learned at the dentist when they called to verify coverage that our kids didn't get automatically added to our dental insurance like they do with health insurance. Awesome.  Fortunately, the Lion's have a 'help out fellow lion's' mentality, and that visit was free.

So that's it.  Addie is fine.  Her mouth is healing fast.  And her front bottom left baby tooth is forever gone.  Sigh...

Here's the quick, how it happened, story.  She was on her changing table.  She's at the phase that Garrett went through where it's nearly impossible to change her diaper alone.  She kicks, arches her back, flips, grabs at everything...  Paul had his hand on her leg, opened the middle drawer to get a sleeper, (her changing table is her dresser), and she did a flip that he didn't even see coming.  He caught her legs but it was too late.  Her face had hit the corner of the drawer before he could get a hold of her.

In the stress of it all I said some things I shouldn't have, like, "did you really have a hand on her!?" and, "I feel like you're never as careful with the kids as I am."  But I know it could have just as easily happened to me, and he feels absolutely awful about it.  But it could have been a lot worse, and thankfully she's just fine.

The tooth came completely out.  Not sure how she hit, but the tooth ripped forward, not up or back, so she has a cut down the front of her gums.

 Playing with a mirror, trying to get comfortable at the dentist's office.

 Checking the space, making sure no other teeth are loose.

At our last appointment for the day...taking a look at the tooth.  I told Paul, she's thinking, "I better get something good for this one."  We decided we'll save it, and when her next tooth comes out, (hopefully not for 4 or 5 years) we'll let her double up on tooth fairy money, or whatever we decide to give.

She's been her happy, cute self since.  This was right after the appointments, just enjoying the ride. It's a bright cell phone pic, but if you look closely you can see the hole.

I told Paul last night, I really need to learn to pull it together in emergency/traumatic situations with our kids, because unfortunately I'm sure this won't be our only incident.  And I did not handle it well.  I can only imagine how much more scary it became for both kids when I started crying and panicking.  But I hope I have a while to learn and plan for the next one. 

Project 365:1-7

I did project 365 in 2009 and it was easier than I thought it would be.  Looking back on different weeks from that year every once in a while is more fun than I thought it would be.  It's amazing what you can remember about an entire day just by one picture and a brief description.  I take too many pictures.  I post too many pictures.  I'm overwhelmed with my files of pictures.  I feel like I enjoy the memories more when it's a simplified version of the event.  I'll still take lots of pictures, I'm sure, and this project isn't being done in order to 'cure' me of that, it's just to help me remember and document the little things.  It also makes me see, without a lot of effort I've found in the past, at least one thing everyday that I'd like to remember.

So here goes...  Oh the only things I'm changing up this time are that I'm taking all the pictures with my phone.  Not the best quality, but I know I'll be more successful with this plan.  Also, I don't know that I'll keep up with it weekly on my blog.  Maybe every couple weeks.  I'd like to keep up on it, but we'll see.  I'm also posting them on instagram daily, (which I don't really 'do' instagram, but I guess I kind of do, mainly for this), so I'll be able to look back and catch up.

Anyway... Week One:

January 1- Paul and I went to see Les Miserables on New Years Day.  I absolutely loved it.  I've seen the musical several times, and know the music well, but I was still surprised at how much of the entire show I have memorized, and how often I wanted to sing along.  It was beautifully done.  (And I only sang a little bit, (and quietly) of, Do You Hear The People Sing?)

January 2- At lunch with my mom, Garrett and Lulu.  She decided on January 1st, after dabbling with the idea of walking since her birthday, that she could in fact move faster on her feet. This is now her preferred mode of transportation.  (I already miss the 'peg-leg' 'hop-along' 'scooter' 'shuffle' move that we all grew to know and love.)

January 3- We had a picnic and played at the park on this 70 degree day, just after reports from family in Utah that it was 9 degrees there.  I don't hate California winters.

January 4- Paul and I went on a date to Rubi's.  We'd never been and we were not disappointed.  When you come visit, we'll take you there.

January 5- My mom and I left Paul with the kids and went to Les Miserables again.  It was just as good the second time.  Maybe better.  Russell Crowe didn't blow me away either time, and the second time around I found myself wanting to make fists and put my arms in the air, just to help him feel something, during 'Stars' mostly.  Everythinkg else, breathtaking.  Marius and the school boys and little Gavroche were my faves.  And Jean Valjean...  And Eponine...

January 6- My in-laws have been looking for a Mastiff breeder for at least 6 months and they finally got a puppy.  The kids already love this (still nameless) little pup!

January 7- Chinese food with Mimi.  My mom leaves tomorrow to go home to Utah.  So for her last night we went to The Block to walk around and have dinner.

One year, One month, Three weeks, (and a day)...

That's how old Addison is today.  I know, not normally an age you'd think to document.  But I woke up thinking this morning about Garrett turning one, learning his first words, attempting his first steps.  I thought to myself, "Addie's pretty close now to the age Garrett was when she was born and I still think of her as a little baby."  It made me curious, so I did the math and realized that today is the exact age Garrett was when I was at the hospital having Addie.


(UPDATE: I did the math again and realized I was off by a day...but close enough... No one ever accused me of being a mathematician.)

I expected so much of Garrett I feel.  When I think back about Addie being a baby, all the crying... from her AND me... telling Garrett 'no' and 'just a minute' so often when I was nursing... saying, "Garrett don't push that button!" when I was pumping...  Being tired... Being depressed...  Trying hard to have one on one time with him, but always feeling like a failure...  When I rewind to those times for Addie and I, for some reason I don't rewind Garrett a year.  When I think of those days, I still see him as an independent 2 year old. But he was barely one.  Not walking, not talking, not understanding who this loud addition to our home was, and why mom spent so much time with her.

He's a good kid.  He's so patient with me, and Paul, and Addie.  He has a loving heart.  He notices and cares about others. When I bribe him with a treat use the intensive program and he earns a treat, the first thing he does is ask for one for Wu (Lulu).  Sometimes he just gives his right to her and then reaches out for one for himself.  He always reminds us to pray.  If we ever forget 'kisses all around' after our night time family prayers he's the first to jump up and start kissing, then he makes sure everyone gets a kiss from everyone and then cheers when we all have.  I could go on and on about the loving things I see him do on a regular basis, and I'm sure I will, many times in the future, but for now I just want to remember how much I love him at this very moment. He's a wonderful son and big brother and I'm so very proud of him.

Pictures of Lulu from today...  Garrett was this age(!!).

"And me, mom!"

And back then... my baby boy, just after I had Addie...

I've been sitting here for an hour looking back at old pictures... It's going by too fast.  I love these kids.

My Grandma would have been 90.

My uncle told about my Grandma turning 89 and how as soon as she turned 89 she would say she was in her 90th year.  She was looking forward to making it to 90.  I was looking forward to it too because it meant  another year with my grandma and another party.

Grandma passed away 4 months before her 90th birthday.

My mom told about how Grandma would call her in November every year and ask if she had any ideas of what she could give the grand and great-grand children along with the 2 dollar bills. Several years ago my Grandma and Grandpa wrote a poem called The Two Who Love You.  They framed it for each of us, and in the frame was also a two dollar bill.  The last line of the poem reads, "We'll remind you each year with a two dollar bill, of the two who love you and always will."  Anyway, this past year was a little different.  Grandma planned way ahead for Christmas. In April or May when I was in Utah, she showed me a box of dishes she'd purchased that had gingerbread men on them (it was a tradition for years to make gingerbread houses with grandma and grandpa).  She told my mom and I exactly how she wanted to package each gift with the dishes for the 35 grand kids and 45 great grand kids.

My Grandma's birthday was December 27th.  So on the 26th me and the kids and David drove to Utah to celebrate her.  We stayed one night in St. George with Taylor and Samira, my mom and I spent a day with my grandpa putting the gifts together, we had a small family dinner with my siblings and the Elberts, and the next day was the family Christmas/Birthday party.  And it was back to California the next day.

I finally got to hold my nephew.

 Just whipping up some eggs in St. George.

Gift opening with family and the Elbert's.

A few months ago I found some really fun fabrics with vegetables on it.  I told my mom it would be so fun to make little lap blankets for my Grandpa and his best friend, Bobby.  Both have spent their lives gardening and they met about 7 years ago when my Grandparents moved to Centerville and now they garden together everyday, and will, I'm sure, for the rest of their lives.  Bobby has been a great friend to my grandpa since they met, and even more since my grandma passed.

(My dad and Addie.)

Don't forget to take us with you, Mimi!

Sharing a bowl of soup at the Garrett family party.

 Addie tried to make a getaway with some gifts.  Those bags she's holding have flash drives in them that have  about 25 scrapbooks scanned on them.  My Grandma spent hundreds and hundreds of hours documenting hers, my grandpa's, and all her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren's lives in amazing, detailed and journaled scrapbooks.  She often talked about what would happen, and who would get them when she was gone.  Of course all of the children would love them, and the thought of scanning thousands of pages was overwhelming to everyone.  Everyone, except Paul.  We have a really nice scanner here at the office, so for the past several months every time we traveled to and from Utah we'd bring a couple books home, return them on the next trip and bring more.  Until he finally got every page scanned all the way through my grandma's funeral.  (My mom finished the last few pages for her.)  No one knew about this except my mom, Paul and I, and my grandparents.  It was an incredible gift that my grandma was oh so thankful to Paul for doing it, and the family was overwhelmed with the gift.  Grandma would have been amazed to see those tiny little flash drives and know that all her work was on each one.

She worried like crazy when we had her books here.  She always wanted them close to her!  I'd make jokes when we'd pick more up on our way out of town that she didn't need to worry because we strapped them good on the top of the van and I was pretty sure they wouldn't blow off.  After one trip home she called me and said, "This is awful, but after you left yesterday with those books I had the thought, If those kids get in a car accident, I'll be more worried about the books than I will be their kids!"  I loved her honesty. :)

Little busy Addie wouldn't leave the berries on the banister or the ornaments alone.

On the way back to California we stopped to see William again.  Garrett really wanted to see him because he was always so confused about us saying we're going to see the baby, but he never got to.  And every time we go to the hospital he points at it and says, "Baby?"  The nurse let Samira hold William up at the door to his room, and Taylor held Garrett at the door to the NICU so they could look at each other.  That made Garrett happy, and it probably cleared up some confusion in his curious little mind.

Addie hates the car seat.  It was a long day and she was so happy to see her daddy at the end of it.

No more road trips until May!