Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Look what I just got...

My husband had these delivered to me today. I cried when the delivery man left.

Not our anniversary.

Not my birthday.

Not fighting.

Just because...

The past couple weeks have been a bit emotional for me. I feel like I blame everything on pregnancy these days, but its probably because I know everything I'm going through and feeling is because I'm pregnant. Not a bad thing, just an adjustment.

I've been feeling overwhelmed, scared, excited, unprepared, ready, anxious, happy, sad, impatient, giddy, overjoyed, blessed, inadequate.

I've never been a mom, so how do I just suddenly become a mom and not mess it up. And I haven't been a wife for that long either, and the wife thing also came with no training, so how do I keep trying to get better at being a wife AND learn to be a good mom?

All things that Paul has been helping me through.

Last Monday at our Bradley class we watched videos of vaginal deliveries and c-sections. When we were done I said to the instructor, "K, I don't want to do either of those, so what are my other options?" And on the way home this week I told Paul that for the first time in over seven months I feel like I can't be pregnant anymore and that I can't make it through labor. By yesterday I was ok again, and I knew I could do both, but what about everything after I make it through those things?

I wish I could wrap this post up by telling you that I've figured everything out, and that I have all the answers on becoming the undefeated wife and mother of the year. But I don't.

I have Paul. I have prayer.

I'll be ok.


Heidi said...

Andrea, no one has it all figured out. The feelings of confidence and inadequacy will come and go constantly. You probably will mess up a little, but that's ok. That's why we have Jesus, and prayer.

You will get through delivery and you will rock as a mom. And it looks like Paul thinks you rock as a wife, too. :)

Platt Family said...

If you ever need to talk call me! I have not experienced normal vaginal births, just yucky crappy want to die pregnancies and csections, BUT I do work in this area for a living and would love to answer any questions or just be a listening ear! Plus I have been a mom for 7 years. I love ya, and I know you will do awesome at the mom job!

Jord and Jenn said...

You will be a great mom Andrea. You just have to take it one day at a time. And don't forget to enjoy everyday with the little one because he will grow up way too fast.

Crystal said...

You are going to be a wonderful mother. You are such a wonderful lady so it will just come natural to you. Just remember, every kid is different. Do what is right for YOU and YOUR family.

BTW....Way to go Paul. What an amazing man.