My husband had these delivered to me today. I cried when the delivery man left.
Not our anniversary.
Not my birthday.
The past couple weeks have been a bit emotional for me. I feel like I blame everything on pregnancy these days, but its probably because I know everything I'm going through and feeling is because I'm pregnant. Not a bad thing, just an adjustment.
I've been feeling overwhelmed, scared, excited, unprepared, ready, anxious, happy, sad, impatient, giddy, overjoyed, blessed, inadequate.
I've never been a mom, so how do I just suddenly become a mom and not mess it up. And I haven't been a wife for that long either, and the wife thing also came with no training, so how do I keep trying to get better at being a wife AND learn to be a good mom?
All things that Paul has been helping me through.
Last Monday at our Bradley class we watched videos of vaginal deliveries and c-sections. When we were done I said to the instructor, "K, I don't want to do either of those, so what are my other options?" And on the way home this week I told Paul that for the first time in over seven months I feel like I can't be pregnant anymore and that I can't make it through labor. By yesterday I was ok again, and I knew I could do both, but what about everything after I make it through those things?
I wish I could wrap this post up by telling you that I've figured everything out, and that I have all the answers on becoming the undefeated wife and mother of the year. But I don't.
I have Paul. I have prayer.
I'll be ok.