On February 2nd...

I woke up, went to the bathroom, ate a mango, drank some oj, talked to Paul, said good-bye to Paul, and went to the bathroom again. And on bathroom trip #2 of the morning (or #4 if you count anything after midnight), I was bleeding. It was the most sad feeling I ever remember having, maybe that I've ever had. I'd heard enough about miscarriages to feel pretty dang confident that I was having one. I think I just stood there for a minute feeling shocked and sad and over-whelmed. I finally went to the bedroom and called Paul. I could barely say hi to him before the tears came. I told him I was bleeding. He was so good, I don't remember what he said, I just remember that I was so thankful I had him, he turned around and stayed on the phone with me until he got back home. We stood at the front door and hugged and cried. When we finally stopped hugging and tried to stop crying I told him I wanted to call my mom. I called her and the tears came back, my poor mom had to listen to me cry over the phone for about a minute before I could even get the words out. She was leaving for work and came by our house instead. Paul called his dad and told him our sad news. It was a long morning of crying and being really sad. Paul called my doctor to let her know, and the PA said I could come in if I wanted to talk about anything. I don't remember exactly how the phone call(s) went, I know we got a call back at one point and I ended up with an appointment at 11:00 for blood work and a visit with the doctor at 2:00. It was almost 11:00 by now so my mom left, Paul called in to work for both of us, he told both jobs just briefly what had happened and we headed to the doc. I was in and out of the lab in less than 5 minutes, so we had 3 hours before the doc could see me. We went to lunch, didn't eat much, and then went to my parents house and slept. The doc is in Bountiful, so we didn't want to go back to Salt Lake. 2:00 finally came and I really just wanted to go home. I told Paul I'd talked about it enough and I didn't need a doctor to tell me that I miscarried and could try again in a couple months. But we went. And we waited. And waited. I stared at all the pregnant women. I tried not to look at all the baby magazines in the waiting room. And finally we got called back. Only to find out that the blood results weren't back and wouldn't be til the next morning. The way too happy nurse said, (read this part in a high pitched cheery voice). "Let's weigh you and then get a urine sample!" I said, (not out loud- just in my head, but in the same high pitched cheery voice). "Oh great! Two of my most favorite things to do!" She weighed, I peed, and then I sat in a room for about 45 minutes. I finally asked Paul if we could leave and he said no. And then something weird happened, the nurse walked in and my doctor followed and she was pushing an ultrasound machine. She looked at me and smiled and quietly said, "you're pregnant." I said, "I'm pregnant?!" And she said, "yes." Then she said, "but you already knew that." I just looked at her and said, "did my blood work come back?" She said, "not from today but you were here a week ago and that blood work confirms that you're pregnant." I rolled my eyes and said. "Yes, last week I was pregnant and today I was bleeding." She was also happy and cheery and I looked at Paul like, get me outta pleasantville please. She blabbed on about bleeding, and spotting, and things attaching on, and cramping, and changing. I still wasn't buying it. She finally said she wanted to do a quick ultrasound. I rolled my eyes again and thought, "why?!?" Can you tell how done I was with that place? Yeah, I really was. Oh and it wasn't a normal jelly on tummy ultrasound, because it was too soon. It was a drop your pants and brace yourself kind of ultrasound. But then within a couple seconds of the awkward pain, I saw a tiny little dot on the screen... and then inside that tiny little dot, I saw a tiny little heart beating away.

It was a miracle.

It was a pretty emotional day and week. Everything changed, then a week later everything changed again, then a few hours later everything changed again. We made a lot of phone calls on the drive home. When we got home my boss and his wife had sent me some beautiful flowers. Then my parents and Taylor came over for a while. After they left my bosses daughter who is also our neighbor brought us dinner. It was a good evening after a rough morning.

I think I'm about done with all the catch up. I had my first real appointment on Feb. 26th. It was with a new doctor that my old doc referred me to, a little closer to home at IMC. Well, technically it was with my new doctors fill in doctor who was this sweet older retired man. My new doctor is on maternity leave. (I didn't know OBs were allowed to have babies.) So I'll meet her like in April. I loved the doc who is working for her, kinda wanted him to be my doc, but he doesn't do deliveries anymore, I guess 17,000 was enough for him. But he had wonderful things to say about her. We listened to the heartbeat and saw the little baby and its arms squirming around. Amazing. On Saturday I'll be 12 weeks and my due date is September 19th.