dolphins, baby, baby, spring, baby, friend, baby.

1. I'm going to Sea World in a month with Paul. I'm so looking forward to it! He gave me this trip for my birthday last month and I get to swim with the dolphins!! My older brother David and Paul have been planning this trip for months, but David is no longer coming with us. I'm sad about that.

2. I went to the doctor on Friday. Pretty short and easy appointment. The only bad part was when I had to do my urine sample. I couldn't do it. I basically haven't stopped peeing for 3 months, but when I'm told to pee, I couldn't preform. Also, I've lost 4.2 pounds in a month. And the baby is growing. Go me. According to the doctor who based this statement on the sound of the heartbeat, I have a big baby in me. That's good. I want a chubby baby. Roley poley's are so stinkin' cute. Plus, I'll feel less like I'll break them.

3. One other random doctor thing. I learned I have O negative blood, only 15% of people do. Paul needs to get tested and if he is O neg. (unlikely) then everything is great. If he's positive, then I have to get a Rho-gam shot at 28 weeks, and then another one after delivery, also I'd need the shot anytime my blood might mix with the babies, i.e. falling down stairs, car accident etc. This shot puts temporary RH factor anti-bodies in me so my body doesn't reject the baby if we have different blood types. My doctor assured me that this is no big deal and Paul and I will be able to have the 50 babies we desire. Turns out my mom is O neg and had shots with all 4 kids and look how fantastic we all turned out.

4. I went on a drive tonight with my wonderful husband, I love the feeling of spring in the air.

5. I've definitely entered to nesting phase of pregnancy. "All the books say" this happens in trimester 2. Whenever I have weird request, mood, emotion, desire, etc, and Paul thinks I'm crazy, I tell him that "all the books say" this is normal. Anyway, I want everything to be perfect for the nursery. We started shopping this weekend. I've picked my glider and ottoman. It's about $1100 more than what I thought a good night-time feeding chair would be, but it was like sitting on a cloud in heaven, so that decision is still on the table. Well, it's still on the table in Paul's mind. It's already in the nursery in my mind. We've decided on a dresser/changing table, a high chair, and a crib. We agree on these ones that we're making a (kind of large) investment on really high quality stuff. Did I mention that the dresser is also a changing table and that the crib converts to a toddler bed and a twin size headboard, and the high chair will be an heirloom piece that I'm sure my great grandchildren will want to put their kids in? That's right. Good investments. I'm not sure the price on all of those yet, we're still deciding on paints, glazes and finishes, but we will be saving over $5oo.oo off the retail price. Thank you wood connection employee discount and thank you wood connection payment plan. Interest free and I have as long as I want to pay for the stuff, and the money (however much I want and whenever I want) comes out of my paycheck so I never feel like it was mine. Everything feels free!!! We've found a bassinet we like that is also a travel crib, for the many trips to and from California. That's only like 80 bucks! And we've been looking at paint colors. I hate the walls and carpet in that room, the carpet has to stay but I'm pretty sure my boss won't mind if we paint. I think I'll tell him after I do it. We'll probably just do it off white or a light tan. We just need to decide which of the 85 off white colors we like. The room is mint green right now. Not a fan.

6. Yesterday was a good day. I am finally getting my energy back. I worked for 3 hours in the morning and then went to the Scrapbook USA Expo with my friend Deb, and then we met up with 15 or 20 other friends at the Olive Garden for Deb's birthday dinner. Deb is one of those friends that I want forever. I love her.

7. One other baby thing. (I know you wanted one more.) This cute older guy I work with just found out Friday that I'm pregnant. He was so happy for me and he gave me some ideas for names. He was very serious and thinks the baby name choice is very important early on in the pregnancy. So, if I go with Lester's advice and it's a boy? Robert. And, if it's a girl? Kelly or Teresa.

Healthcare Reform

This is not a political blog, and I plan to keep it that way. Mostly because I'm not uber political, and also because I've learned and decided not to talk politics with anyone, including my family. There are very few exceptions, Paul is one, this guy I dated a few years ago named Bryon who I never talk to anymore but if we ran into each other it would probably be 3 or 4 hours about religion and politics, and I'd enjoy every minute of it. And Melanie. Melanie and I don't talk politics much but we mostly agree so its no big issue if anything does come up. I think there are a lot of friends, co-workers, acquaintances, who would be surprised at how liberal I am. (Utah standard and definition of liberal, but still.)

I'm not 100% on board with Obama's plan, but I'm in support of some of it, (I wont give 'some' a percentage.) I come from a family of 4 kids, two of which are uninsurable due to pre-existing conditions, I think it is bull s@*% that this policy exists. I also have a cousin who's wife is bulimic and spends more nights in the ER than at home these days. No insurance. And we have a friend who has had an illness for close to 20 years and would never be able to buy private insurance. I could go on... Like Melanie said in her well/better written post about this, we are not born equal. And I agree that we have a right and an obligation to help people.

I think realizing that we're all human and we're all ultimately in this together will probably get us farther than we think.

So if this below is you??...

...I don't really feel too bad for you.

My bosses psychic food connection

So far in my pregnancy I haven't had any one craving that has stuck. I went through a couple short craving phases, apples, caramel popcorn balls, (which I never ate!!!) zucchini, Chinese food, Indian food, cheese burgers, (that one was very short, but I unfortunately gave in a time or two.) strawberries, plain yogurt, Arby's roast beef sandwiches.

So, about a month ago I was on my way to work. It was a Saturday and I didn't have to work the whole day but just needed to run in for a bit. I was later than I'd planned and while I was driving I has this overwhelming desire to eat Subway. I talked myself out of stopping because I wanted to get to work, but when I got there I'd wished I'd stopped. I was hungry! Well it wasn't 15 minutes and my boss came up to me and said, "I'm going to Subway to get lunch for Sue and I (his wife). If you're hungry I'll buy you lunch." What the!!! It was so great. Thanks boss.

Then a week or so later, at work I started thinking about this BBQ chicken pizza we'd had at work for a birthday a few weeks before. I even asked someone if they remembered where it was from and I looked it up to see if there was one by my house so I could stop on the way home. My boss had been gone for a couple hours and around 1 in the afternoon he walked in, holding a bbq chicken pizza!!! He must have seen the glow on my face because he didn't even really offer, he just handed me a plate and told me to come and get some pizza. Mmm...Thanks boss.

And then yesterday, I started thinking about vanilla soft serve ice cream, first I thought of IKEA and their dollar cones, and as the day went on I kept going back and forth about stopping on my way home at the McDonalds that's right by the freeway entrance. My boss was at the post office and bank during this time, and a half hour or so later he came back. He was carrying this box tray thing and it was full of cups of Costco soft serve vanilla ice cream with raspberries. Magical.

I know you're thinking this can't be true. I know, right? But it is.

I asked Paul why he doesn't have that ability as the Father.

Now I have to work until the baby comes, or I'll have to start paying for my own cravings.

Thanks boss.

Not our best moments...

...but at least we love each other.

This is Paul wearing one of my head scarves. Or whatever those are called. Sometimes he's really weird, and sometimes I have my camera close.
And this is a self portrait of me taken earlier tonight. See those awesome red splotches on my forehead? Yeah those appear whenever I throw up. I'm down to about every other day or every 3 days between vomits, but the splotches don't fade for about 2 days. Which means they are always there. I'm kind of wondering if they'll ever go away. They might just fade a bit. And tonight my forehead itched really bad after I got done with the toilet.Also, I'm not on drugs. Those eyes are post-puke eyes. It takes a lot out of ya!!!

Thanksgiving in March

This morning at 4:15 I woke up and had to go to the bathroom. This is very normal for me these days, but it usually happens way before 4:00. "Normal" for me is more like 12:30, 2:30, 4:30, 6:30 and then again when I get up for the day, 8:00 or so. But last night 4:15 was my first wake up. Then at 5:00 it hit me again, and it's not like a role over, wake up and kind of need to pee feeling. It's like when you're on a road trip and you need to pee but you don't want to tell the driver and so you sit and hold it and count how many exits you pass and you get to about 12 and decide you better stop, and then you see a sign that says "no service stops for 14 miles" and you literally think you're going to explode. That's what 5AM was for me. After that bathroom run I was pretty much awake for the day. I usually don't get much deep sleep after 5am these days and I don't know why. Usually I toss and turn and think and worry. But this morning I just laid there. I found myself thinking about everything in my life that I'm thankful for. Sounds a little corny I know, but I've found that since I've been pregnant my mind just goes in all directions, and I just let it. Here's a few things I thought about:

- My mom. It is such a blessing to have her close. I love talking to her about babies and things she remembers and having her talk me through my fears. Thursday at work I freaked myself out for no good reason. I called my doctors office and the nurse reassured me that I was fine and didn't need to worry about anything. It didn't help so she told me to come in and get checked if I wanted to. My mom and I work about 5 minutes from each other in Murray and my hospital is half way between both our jobs. I called her and she met me at the hospital. I loved having my mom there with me. She'd never had or seen an ultrasound before so it was really neat to have her there and let her see her grandchild. (Everything is great, by the way. We saw and heard the heartbeat and saw the little munchkin squirming around.)

- My job. I've gone from 40 hours to 20 hours now and I was a little worried that my boss would be frustrated with me. He called me into his office on Tuesday and told me he wants me to cushion the schedule enough so that I can come and go as I want to. He also told me that anything I can and want to do from home is fine too and he'll pay me for those hours as well. He said he wants me to be a part of his company as long as I want to be. That was good to hear.

- My husband. I couldn't ask for better support these past few weeks while I've been really sick, and all the time really. I feel secure and taken care of. I get compliments so often about him and that's something I've never really thought much about, but it happens quite often and I'm proud of him. He works so hard and he's so motivated to provide a good life for our family. He's great with people. And successful. And hot. I love him.

- Our baby. That little tiny 2" miracle that has changed our lives. I asked my mom a couple weeks ago how long she thinks I'll keep worrying about this baby. She said, "Probably until the day you die."
- Our family in Utah and California. I got an email a couple days ago from my sweet sister-in-law, Laura. I started thinking about that this morning and how much I love her. I have 3 really great brothers, 2 amazing parents, parents in California and a sister-in-law in California who I feel have always been my family. Paul's family is the kind of family every girl thinks of when she's 14 and starts planning her dream wedding and life.

I don't have much to complain about.

Oh and on a more materialistic note, I'm thankful for our new 47" flat screen TV. How was 27" ever big enough!?!

shootin'

Ever since I finished Project 365 I feel like I've been pretty anti-camera. I don't take pictures of anything. Grabbing my camera when I left everyday last year was as easy as grabbing my keys. And now I never think about it. But I'm trying to remember more, and today I remembered.
I went to a shooting range with my husband, dad and all my brothers this afternoon. We shot hand guns and shot guns. After today I wondered how I killed a deer a few months ago with one shot, and today I couldn't hit a target if it was 2 feet in front of me. I shot the shot gun twice and was done. Those things are heavy.
And then while the guys shot I watched these deer. They weren't scared at all, and there was a lot of shooting going on. This is Taylor and the poor man's clay pigeon. (A snow ball with broken pieces of clay pigeon smashed into it.)
This is me with my gun and Paul's gun. Mine is the the smallest hand gun manufactured and Paul's is the largest caliber hand gun that is manufactured. I didn't actually shoot his. It probably would have broken my wrist. And the first time he shot it today clumps of snow fell of the tree behind us and everyone stopped and looked at him. Big and LOUD.Fun times with the boys.

On February 2nd...

I woke up, went to the bathroom, ate a mango, drank some oj, talked to Paul, said good-bye to Paul, and went to the bathroom again. And on bathroom trip #2 of the morning (or #4 if you count anything after midnight), I was bleeding. It was the most sad feeling I ever remember having, maybe that I've ever had. I'd heard enough about miscarriages to feel pretty dang confident that I was having one. I think I just stood there for a minute feeling shocked and sad and over-whelmed. I finally went to the bedroom and called Paul. I could barely say hi to him before the tears came. I told him I was bleeding. He was so good, I don't remember what he said, I just remember that I was so thankful I had him, he turned around and stayed on the phone with me until he got back home. We stood at the front door and hugged and cried. When we finally stopped hugging and tried to stop crying I told him I wanted to call my mom. I called her and the tears came back, my poor mom had to listen to me cry over the phone for about a minute before I could even get the words out. She was leaving for work and came by our house instead. Paul called his dad and told him our sad news. It was a long morning of crying and being really sad. Paul called my doctor to let her know, and the PA said I could come in if I wanted to talk about anything. I don't remember exactly how the phone call(s) went, I know we got a call back at one point and I ended up with an appointment at 11:00 for blood work and a visit with the doctor at 2:00. It was almost 11:00 by now so my mom left, Paul called in to work for both of us, he told both jobs just briefly what had happened and we headed to the doc. I was in and out of the lab in less than 5 minutes, so we had 3 hours before the doc could see me. We went to lunch, didn't eat much, and then went to my parents house and slept. The doc is in Bountiful, so we didn't want to go back to Salt Lake. 2:00 finally came and I really just wanted to go home. I told Paul I'd talked about it enough and I didn't need a doctor to tell me that I miscarried and could try again in a couple months. But we went. And we waited. And waited. I stared at all the pregnant women. I tried not to look at all the baby magazines in the waiting room. And finally we got called back. Only to find out that the blood results weren't back and wouldn't be til the next morning. The way too happy nurse said, (read this part in a high pitched cheery voice). "Let's weigh you and then get a urine sample!" I said, (not out loud- just in my head, but in the same high pitched cheery voice). "Oh great! Two of my most favorite things to do!" She weighed, I peed, and then I sat in a room for about 45 minutes. I finally asked Paul if we could leave and he said no. And then something weird happened, the nurse walked in and my doctor followed and she was pushing an ultrasound machine. She looked at me and smiled and quietly said, "you're pregnant." I said, "I'm pregnant?!" And she said, "yes." Then she said, "but you already knew that." I just looked at her and said, "did my blood work come back?" She said, "not from today but you were here a week ago and that blood work confirms that you're pregnant." I rolled my eyes and said. "Yes, last week I was pregnant and today I was bleeding." She was also happy and cheery and I looked at Paul like, get me outta pleasantville please. She blabbed on about bleeding, and spotting, and things attaching on, and cramping, and changing. I still wasn't buying it. She finally said she wanted to do a quick ultrasound. I rolled my eyes again and thought, "why?!?" Can you tell how done I was with that place? Yeah, I really was. Oh and it wasn't a normal jelly on tummy ultrasound, because it was too soon. It was a drop your pants and brace yourself kind of ultrasound. But then within a couple seconds of the awkward pain, I saw a tiny little dot on the screen... and then inside that tiny little dot, I saw a tiny little heart beating away.

It was a miracle.

It was a pretty emotional day and week. Everything changed, then a week later everything changed again, then a few hours later everything changed again. We made a lot of phone calls on the drive home. When we got home my boss and his wife had sent me some beautiful flowers. Then my parents and Taylor came over for a while. After they left my bosses daughter who is also our neighbor brought us dinner. It was a good evening after a rough morning.

I think I'm about done with all the catch up. I had my first real appointment on Feb. 26th. It was with a new doctor that my old doc referred me to, a little closer to home at IMC. Well, technically it was with my new doctors fill in doctor who was this sweet older retired man. My new doctor is on maternity leave. (I didn't know OBs were allowed to have babies.) So I'll meet her like in April. I loved the doc who is working for her, kinda wanted him to be my doc, but he doesn't do deliveries anymore, I guess 17,000 was enough for him. But he had wonderful things to say about her. We listened to the heartbeat and saw the little baby and its arms squirming around. Amazing. On Saturday I'll be 12 weeks and my due date is September 19th.

In that moment...

...everything changes.

I stopped drinking Diet Coke, which those of you who know me know that that in and of itself was something that would normally take an act of congress. I was pretty much nearing the point of hooking myself to an IV, you know, to save cans and stuff, for the environment, or whatever. Love me some DC.

So that changed, and...well I guess on day one of knowing, the Diet Coke addiction was the only thing that changed.

And I started thinking, and day dreaming, and being emotional, and sleeping. It was a wonderful day. I went to work and felt so happy. Two other girls at work had announced a few weeks earlier that they were pregnant and it was hard not to ask a million questions. But the plan was to wait 3 months, and we were sticking to it.

Hey, you know the movie Juno where the soon to be father is getting cold feet and the soon to be mother says, A man becomes a father when he sees his child and a women becomes a mother when she finds out she's pregnant. I think it's true.

The next day was just as good. I was sick and had a headache and I didn't care because when you're growing a human, you expect it to take a lot out of you. I hadn't called my doctor yet because I'd never done this and I thought about what I'd learned on the baby your baby commercials. 13 visits and the 1st one before 13 weeks. I figured I had some time. But that night I freaked out and called the doctor the next morning in tears and she said I could come in that morning. I went in and they did a blood test. She gave me some advice. Guessed about how far along I was. Referred me to another doctor closer to home. And I was on my way. I didn't have the blood work back yet, and because I had convinced myself that the home test could be wrong I stopped being excited about being pregnant and started being scared about the blood work phone call. I'd made plans to go to dinner with my mom that night, and about 2 minutes before we were suppose to meet, the doctor called to congratulate me on being pregnant. That was the hardest mother/daughter dinner ever!! I had to keep it a secret. My mom even went to target with me to get my prenatal vitamins, but because I'd had the doctor recommend those before, she didn't think anything of it. But it was still so hard sitting at dinner, feeling really sick and not talking at all about the only thing that was on my mind! But I did it.

I don't know how to blog about my experience thus far because if I recap the past month this would be really long, but I don't want to forget anything because even though you might not care, I do. So... I'll end this one by saying week one of officially knowing was really great and exciting.