You're Invited!

To my pity party.

Please bring candy, diet coke, and presents.

And don't wear any make-up. I cried all mine off and I don't want anyone to look cuter than me.

It's my party.

Garrett had his 2 month well check yesterday. Everything is great. He had his first round of shots. He cried. But not as much as I cried. He actually did really well. He ate and took a long nap right after. Then later he got mad that his legs hurt, and he made sure I knew about it. But it really wasn't bad. He had a little bit of baby grape Tylenol, some Grandma Greenhalgh TLC, and he slept through the night. Today he's been a little happy bundle of joy.

So why am I having a pity party?

Because one month from now, we're moving. To California. In the winter. With a baby. Away from my family. Out of our cute little white house, with a cute little door knocker that says "White's", that was there when we moved in. Sounds like its meant to be, right?? Well, I guess it's not. (Also, Paul's boss and some coworkers don't know yet, so no facebook posts please.) I always knew this day would come, but its been in the works for so long that I was starting to think it might never happen. We made this decision about 3 weeks ago, but it finally became real yesterday at the doctor. My friend Melanie referred me to her when I was 7 months pregnant and I've had nothing but great experiences with her. She's a family practice doctor so she's also G's doctor. Its so convenient, and she's so great. I referred a pregnant friend of mine, Deb, to her a couple months ago as well. (Deb just called me as I'm typing this to tell me that she had another appointment today at the doc and that she LOVES her.) Yesterday I sat in the exam room in tears because I realized that it was the last time I'd see our doctor, and I felt so jealous of Melanie and Deb that they have her. I have to find a new doctor for me, a pediatrician for Garrett, a therapist for his head, and a Pediatric Urologist to do his surgery in April. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed and sad. I already have all of those things here, and I'm so happy with ALL of them, and I have a mom here who can come to any of them with me when I need her to! Now I have to start all over.

I was talking to my neighbor today who moved to Seattle with her husband and 2 small children a few years ago, (she's back now), but we were just talking about how totally different it is to move with kids. There are so many more things to think about when its not just me, or even just me and Paul.

We both feel good about this decision when it comes to long term goals we have, job security, and me staying home full time. But its really hard right now, (mostly for me)...(probably for my mom and dad too)... When we told my parents, my dad asked me how often we're going to come back to Utah to visit Garrett. They both love him more than you can even imagine, and it breaks my heart to take him from them after such a short time.

Leave and cleave, leave and cleave, leave and cleave...

I say that to myself about a million times a day. Mostly when I start thinking that its doable for Garrett and I to live here and we could just get together with Paul on the weekends!

We have so many great friends here. My brothers and a sister-in-law. Great people at church. Good neighbors. Extended family.

I've moved a lot, but as I told my mom, all those moves were in my crazy, carefree days and I always knew I'd find my way back to Utah. This one feels a lot more 'final destinationy'.

I think I'll make a "Good things about California" list in the next few days, but for now I just want to be sad and feel sorry for myself.

By the way, I like swedish fish. And its Diet COKE, not Pepsi.