randomness that'll probably confuse, make sense, piss off, make happy, and pass time.

1. This really shook me up on Monday. I watched the video twice by myself at my house, and once with my mom and dad at their house. I'm glad they watched it with me, and were willing to talk to me. I left their house 5 hours later feeling sad, overwhelmed, emotionally drained, scared, kind of lonely -but not wanting to be with anyone, disappointed, frustrated, hopeful, mad, and knowing they loved me no matter what.

2. I'm really struggling with all things religious these days, as most of you know. I'm thankful for the ups, because the downs hit hard, but usually don't last. One thing that I'm very aware of is that over the past couple months I have more faith in God than I ever have. I approach prayer, faith, worship, God, scripture study and Jesus differently now than I did in the religion of my childhood, which was LDS. I want everything to make sense and I have a strong desire for truth. I'm glad the desire is so strong and that I have incredible people around me who care about the journey I'm on.

3. I was in charge of my brothers wedding BBQ on tuesday night. It was a huge success and we lucked out on the weather because the dinner was outside. It was a fun evening with good food and good people.

4. I took my mom to get manis and pedis on Wednesday. It was so fun, I love having cute toes! My toes match my fingers. I got purple flowers with little glitters to coordinate with the wedding Thursday. I'm such a girl!

5. My heater has been on for 3 days and I'm still a little cold. What's the deal? It's June, right??

6. I posted the wedding pictures yesterday. It was such a beautiful day. I love my family so much, and even though there is a lot going on in my life right now that they maybe wish wasn't, we're still all so close. Family is important, I realize that more and more everyday.

7. I talked to Dave yesterday morning to help him book a rental car in Hawaii. They were so happy and I'm so glad they loved this room that I got them at the Anniversary Inn for their wedding night.

8. I had lunch with my friend Deb yesterday. She's off to Russia with her husband Erik on Sunday with K2, their church. They are such great new friends. We sat at the Olive Garden for 2 hours talking. I needed it after this eventful week! Love her.

9. I feel like I broke up with someone that I wasn't even dating. It was weird. And sad. My little awesome brother Scott took me to dinner last night to talk, he's such a stud.

10. Speaking of people I'm not dating, I got a surprise phone call this week from my friend Zhenya in Ukraine. He NEVER calls cuz it's like a bajillion dollars, but he did a couple days ago. It was SO GOOD to talk to him. He always makes me smile. Zhenya is my back-up, back-up. It's just good sense to back up your back up! Those are the words of Miss Phoebe Buffay from an episode of "Friends." I've had a few back ups in my day. 3 or 4, I think. All of which are married now. I think Braden might be my current back up, but he's afraid of commitment. We never "sealed the deal" (shook hands). But I think I could trick him into it. My deal with Z is more of a, "we'll talk about it when we're 30." He turned 29 a couple days ago, and I'm a couple months into 28. We have a while, but who knows, it might happen. Oh, and he also said he has to ask his mom. Great, a mama's boy. Maybe I need to work on more secure and reliable back ups.