Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

Sunday, October 26, 2014

4, almost 3, and close to 7 months today.

Those seem like good ages to do a general kid update. 

Garrett turned four a month ago. He's doing really well with life in general. Goes to bed easy. Still sleeps about 10-11 hours at night and takes a two hour nap every afternoon. He's been in preschool for 2 months now and he loved the first three weeks. Then, on his birthday he had a really hard day. He didn't show it in the morning but when I got to his school with cupcakes and ice cream he was crying. His teacher said he'd been crying off and on all day and he missed me. And now he has good days and emotional days.  Wanting to make sure I won't forget to pick him up, telling me how much he'll miss me, asking me to sit outside his school for four hours and wait, etc. He has a couple good buddies now and that really helps. He still says he loves it and prays everyday that he can go back, but he also tells me that he's ready to be all done with school. (Haha, only about 15-20 more years bud.) 

He's already learned a lot. Before preschool he had a couple numbers he didn't recognize and he only recognized about half the letters. Now he knows all the numbers and almost all the letters and he's quickly learning the sounds the letters make. He's memorized several songs, and he's also memorized the scriptures for each month. He's awesome with scissors, and before preschool he'd had zero practice. He's talking with more detail and asks much more specific questions. He's a sensitive kid and he can be hard on himself. He sometimes tries to give up too easily if he can't figure something out right away, but with a little encouragement he keeps trying and always figures things out.  I know it'll get better and I really love the school.

He (and Addie) just finished six weeks of tumbling. He was the only boy in his class and he loved every second of it. He joins right in and tries (and usually nails) every new trick. The first week they had a quick drink break and he took one sip of water and then confidently announced, "I'mmmm back in the game!" as he ran toward the mats. We drove past the tumbling place tonight and they yelled, "There's tumbling!!"  Then I told them we finished and Garrett started to cry.  I thought he was faking it at first, but there were legitimate tears and a quivery lip.  I found out from a friend that the same course starts again in two weeks, so I guess we'll do it again!
 
He took swimming lessons this summer and really pushed himself. I could tell he was nervous about a few things he learned but he was brave and determined and did really well. 

He loves his sisters. And he's a tender-hearted, generous boy. On his worst day of preschool he earned a treasure box prize for being a good listener all week and of all the toys, treats and stickers in the box, he picked a pair of purple sunglasses for Addie. 

I love his heart. And I love watching him learn and grow. 

Addie will be three in November. She's always been my 'Live Wild Child'. She's funny, happy, sweet, sassy, and full of energy and love. She's everything that warms my heart and freaks me out all at the same time. She's the little leader of our family, and kind of sets the tone for how the day goes in a lot of ways. Most days it's awesome. She and Garrett are best friends and watching them play and talk and laugh is one of the greatest things I've ever experienced in my life. 

We are in mom and me preschool and she loves it. She's obedient, helpful, patient and sweet at school. She's a bit timid at times and needs some encouragement to participate in the interactive activities but she always has a great time. She's also learning a lot too. She learns a lot from the homework and practicing I do with Garrett and I think she'll be more than ready to start going to Garrett's preschool next year. 

She took swimming this summer and hated it. We hired a private teacher for one on one lessons and after week two she refused to do it without me or her grandma in the pool with her. If we were there, she was happy to try new things and was so proud of herself, even if she didn't quite do what the instructor was asking of her. But it's okay. She's two. And we'll try it again next year. 

She also did tumbling. She (eventually) loved it. The first five minutes or so the teacher has them hop back and forth down the mats. Walk backwards, tip-toe with hands in the air, etc. and she WOULD NOT do it the first two classes. Garrett's out there killin' it with the ladies like a ballerina and Addie's fighting back the tears. And then the trampoline, balance beams, swinging bars, and platforms come out and she's like Gabby Douglas out there livin' the dream. Whatever kid. But after two classes she was fine and did everything with over the top excitement. More than half of us in the class are friends that signed up together and it's so much fun sitting at the side laughing at our friggin cute kids. 

Addie is so good with Charlie. She's so helpful and attentive with her. She always wants to check on her. "I'm gonna tip toe and see if Charlie's awake, no yeah, k?!" And if I'm cooking and she's playing with her she comes and gives random updates. "Charlie's scooting by the chair." "Charlie's happy mom." "I put a blanket on Charlie cause Charlie's cold." "Charlie don't need a binky from she's not fussy." "We need to buy new batteries so Charlie can swing higher and higher." And Charlie loves Addie. She can be a bit in-your-face with her but Charlie doesn't seem to mind. She gets so excited when Addie's around. 

And Addie's potty trained! I have a crappy potty training method. (Or, based on my track record, maybe it's the best method ever.) I randomly decide one morning that we're doing it. No timers, no naked days, no practice sitting on the potty, no rewards. Just put on some underwear. Then after one accident, I decide it's not the day and I throw on a diaper. I do that for 5-7 days and then I fully commit. We do a day of going through 5 or so pairs of underwear and then in the next day or two, and forever more, we're good. There's an accident once in a while but it hasn't ever been a long dreadful process for us (knock on wood). My only advise would be to wait until your kid is old enough to kind of reason with. Both Garrett and Addie were about two or three months from turning three. (Addie will be three in three weeks and we're going on about two months of being potty trained.) I'll never be one of those moms who wants to potty train as soon as they're two (or younger). Way too much work. 

And lastly my little Charlie girl. She's the kind of baby that makes you want to pop out a few more. I described her a few days ago like an awesome blackjack hand. The one you should stay on because it's not likely to get any better. But you're on a roll so you want to say 'hit me!' just to see what happens. Maybe that's not the best analogy. I'll just say she's the perfect cherry on top of our gooey, nutty delicious sundae. 

She's the perfect third child. What I mean is, when you only have one child and that child is napping. You tip toe and stay so quiet and never intentionally wake them up. You feed them at home on your fluffy comfy couch. You let them lay on a blanket with no fear of getting hit in the head with a toy, or a foot. When number three comes along, you pick them up from a deep sleep and strap them in the car seat to go from one place to the next to keep up with the older two. Naps often happen in a stroller or baby carrier with a whole lot going on in the background. Feedings often get interrupted and finished after a knee is bandaged or a bum is wiped. Or sometimes (if someone else is driving) I climb in the back and lean into her car seat for a quick on-the-go feeding as we're running late for some activity. And being on a blanket on the floor? It didn't even take till the six month mark for this girl to see how unsafe that is. She's not crawling yet, but she's trying. She scoots backwards like a boss and rolls to where she wants to go. And she spins in a circle like nobody's business. I often find her half way under a chair, all the way under her swing, or against the wall pulling on a cord that's plugged in. Toddler-proof is different than baby-proof, I'm being reminded. And it's already time! And she handles all of it with very little complaints. She's never been a crier, and still isn't. It's only when she's really hungry that I get a little reminder. 

She still wakes once a night to feed but it's usually pretty quick. Unless she has a cold like all five of us had last month in which case she wakes six times a night. 

She's eating whatever we give her. It's mostly table food. Like vegis, fruit, pinto beans, potatoes, chicken. All mashed up or little bites. I did baby-led feeding with Addie and I'm doing it with Charlie too. So much less work to just feed them what we're eating! (And/or let them feed themselves!) She loves purées which the other two didn't, so I feed her those more than I thought I would. And she's liked it all, vegis and fruit. She'll eat a whole one in one meal, and the other two would make one of those last three feedings and I'd usually throw some away. I guess her faves are probably sweet potatoes, squash, apple, pear, and avocado, and any flavor of goats milk greek yogurt from our local farmers market. It's expensive, but all three kids thinks it's ice cream. 

It really is crazy how busy life is right now and how fast time goes. I feel like I'll never catch up. On anything, let alone blogging. Two nights ago as I ran into my chiropractors office one minute before he closed but desperate for an adjustment, I apologized to the receptionist for being late and said, "my kids had tumbling 'graduation' tonight and we all know what a big deal that is." And she said, "hey that is OK. You have no idea how much I wish I could be back to those days." It really is the best time and I'm trying to enjoy it all.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

I'm happy. I'm sad. And "that's okay."

I've spent a lot of hours and a lot of hundreds of dollars talking about my brain.  I wont bore you with much of that, but it's a strange one and sometimes a hard one to live with. 

One of the most basic points that my counselor helped me understand and learn to be okay with was that it's okay/possible and even normal to be happy and sad at the same time.  It's pretty basic and elementary really, but wow it took some time (and still takes reminders). 

"My husband has a good job," I'd say.  "He loves me.  I don't have to work.  We have a nice place to live.  I have happy, healthy kids. I have no reason to be sad." 

My counselor would respond with good insight that I only half listened to because I was ready for my next round.

"My friend just lost another baby and I've never struggled with that.  I don't have a right to be sad that I'm so sick this pregnancy." 

"Another friend has a baby with cystic fibrosis.  I don't have a right to be sad that mine has to wear a helmet for 3 months." 

"I just met someone who's mom lives in Australia.  I can't be sad that mine seems so far away in Utah."

I had so many reasons why I was failing at happiness that my counselor had to really dumb it down for me. 

"Say we each have one of our kids in a car and we get in a car accident.  My kid breaks his back and has to have surgery and lots of physical therapy.  Your kid breaks his arm and needs a cast.  Do you not have the right to be sad because my kid's injury is worse than your kids?"

I'd gave the wrong answer and he'd get mad at me.  "You have every right to grieve and be sad!"  He did several scenarios before I finally started to say that it was okay to feel sad even if I 'should' feel happy.  We talked about death.  We talked about getting old.  We talked about losing babies.  We talked about losing spouses.  We talked about happy things that have sad parts.  We talked about sad things that have happy parts. We talked about doing things that make us happy while we work through things that make us sad.  We talked about things that make us happy and sad at the same time.  "I'm happy that I get a vacation with Paul.  But I'm sad about the vacation because I'll miss my kids."  The exact same thing making me happy AND sad.  Really basic stuff folks.  But there was an intense emotional battle going on in my brain and I needed help.  And I got help. 

I'm so happy to report that baby number three came with very little postpartum depression. I'm so thankful for that because the chances were good.  And my paper work of medical history at the hospital had a whole team of social workers checking up on me often before they let me take Charlie home.  I was scared for a while.  Wondering every morning for the first couple of months if 'this was the day I'd crash.'  We even joined a service and interviewed several nannies and contacted night nurses for information and pricing when Charlie was just a couple weeks old, just so that if I needed it, we'd be ready with options to hire help.  I had days here and there where I was ready to hire full-time help, but here we are 6 months later and I'm feeling really confident and happy as a mom.

Two weeks ago, about a week into preschool, I overheard a conversation between Garrett and Addie at the coffee table while I was cleaning the kitchen.  They were talking about preschool, just before we were leaving to drop Garrett off.

(conversation translation: my kids often say 'from' instead of 'because')

I typed this out in my phone as I was listening because it kind of made my jaw drop.

A:  Do you like preschool Garrett?
G: I love preschool.
A: I love preschool too.
G: You don't go to preschool.
A: No, I love YOUR preschool but I'm going to miss you. 
G: I love it too but I'm sad from I'm going to miss you.
A: That's okay.  I'm sad from I love you and I'm happy from you love preschool.
G: I'm happy too and I'm gonna hug you and mom and Charlie at preschool from I'm sad.
A: That's okay.                 

I started to cry as I listened, and I cried just now as I read it again and typed it.  Not even three and four years old yet, and they were teaching, and understanding that it's okay to be happy and sad. 

Addie is my "That's okay" kid.  If you don't have one, you should train one.  She calmly, happily, and matter-of-factly says, "That's okay" to just about every stressful or frustrating situation. 

"Oh Addieeeeee, you peed in your underwear!"  --That's okay, I can get another one underwear...with Nemo on it this time.

"DANG IT!  I forgot to grab the bench from our bedroom for our pictures."  --That's okay, maybe Bapa and Gaga have a tiny bench we can use.

"No guys, I didn't want all the markers, chalk, and crayons dumped on the carpet."  --That's okay, we can just use them and pick them up. 

And guess what?  We are at 100% success rate that everything she said was okay, ended up being okay. 

Garrett's picked up on it too, so I get a lot of reminders that "That's okay" even when, in the moment, I act like it might not be.  He even did it in reverse once with me and it was a good reminder that I need to do better at letting them know that it's okay to mess up.  Charlie got a hold of some of Garrett's flashcards and I was too exhausted to take them away.  Garrett found the three soggy ones a few minutes later and said, "oh no mom, what happened to my cards??"  "Umm, Charlie accidentally ate them, sorry pal, I'll buy you some more."  "That's okay" he said, without skipping a beat, "I have some more." 

I've always heard parents and teachers talk about how much adults learn from kids.  It's still amazing to me how young they are, how often I learn, and how important the lessons they teach me really are.   

(Full disclosure: This was written a couple weeks ago and Garrett's feelings about loving preschool have changed a bit this week. But that's life I guess. Always something new to work on.) 

Friday, August 22, 2014

How is it with three?

That is the most common question I get when catching up with friends or talking to other moms in mom and me classes and other play groups, because I think I'm the only one of the moms I've connected with that has three. (Much different than the culture I grew up in.) 

My nutshell answer is, "easier than just two." And the crazy thing is that I mean it! Maybe it's because Garrett and Addison were both mobile and verbal when Charlie was born. Maybe it's because the two of them are best friends and do everything together, often preferring to just hang out the two of them without my attempts to entertain them (or object to their crazy ideas). Maybe it's because I'm getting older and more experienced and things get easier when you've practiced. Maybe it's because Charlie is the easiest baby yet. Or maybe it's a little bit of everything I just listed. But whatever it is, I really feel like my life got simpler and easier to keep up with, once Charlie joined the family. 

She's a pure joy. She even makes me smile at 4am. And if there was one thing I'd like to 'adjust' about her, it would be the 4am wake up. She goes back to sleep after a feeding, but I usually don't. She never had or has a 'fussy time of day' that is so common for babies, and like the other two had. I can count on one hand the number of times she's actually really cried and made me wonder what could be wrong (three times). And of course all three times I figured it out. Bubbles backed up because I was a lazy mom and didn't burp her after a couple car seat feedings on the way to Utah. Diaper rash on a particularly blowouty day. And a tired achy afternoon the day after two month shots. (You're bored, I'm sure. But I love reading back about stuff like this that I'd forget otherwise.) 

Garrett and Addie adore her. If she's napping Addie wants to constantly "tip-toe and check on Charlie." Garrett loves to sit by her and tickle her. If she gets grumpy in the car seat I always hear Garrett talking to her. "It's ok. I'm right here." "We're almost there Charlie." Addie jumps up during meals to put her binky back in. They both always want to push the stroller. Addie wants to change diapers and dress her. And Addie also always instructs me on which side I should start with when nursing her. All stuff that I was sure the newness would wear off but I'm thankful it hasn't yet. 

Don't get me wrong. Life is crazy and busy and constant and I have my frustrating moments, but I'm always thankful when I remember to take a deep breath and just watch them, even in the chaos. 

Some mornings when we have somewhere to be, I'll have a 10 minute stretch before go-time that goes something like this:

Have Garrett go potty. 
Change the other twos diapers. 
Send Garrett back in to flush. 
Tell older two to get shoes on. 
Scoop up cereal I just stepped on. 
Put dishes in the sink. 
Send Garrett back to wash his hands. 
Bribe Addie to hold still while I pull her hair back. 
Brush my teeth. 
Yell for Addie do come get her wet diaper off the bathroom floor and put it in the outside garbage. 
Tell kids again to get shoes on.
Put clothes on Charlie. 
Full sippy cups. 
Negotiate with Addie on what she can bring in her purse as I clean up more cereal. 
Gather random Jammies that I keep tripping on and throw them in a laundry basket. 
Restart the washing machine with clothes I forgot to dry last night. 
Bottle some milk for Charlie. 
Put a little makeup on. 
Tell both kids their shoes are on the wrong feet.
Restock diaper bag. 
Find keys. 
Put Charlie in car seat. 
Take Charlie out to change poopy diaper. 
Take my vitamins. 
Find my keys again. 

And 15 minutes after the 10 minute warning we're all four working our way to the van. And then it's who gets in on what side. I wanna buckle myself. I wanna shut my door. Where we going? Can I have my cup? I want a snack. Garrett said no! Well Addie, Garrett's not in charge. You're not in charge, Garrett! Get back in your seats and start buckling! Can I take my shoes off? No. Can we watch a movie? No. And put your shoes back on. The suns in my eyes. Garrett took my sunglasses. I need a drink. 

Sometimes I just giggle thinking of how entertaining it all must be if someone were a fly on the wall, (or in the van). 

But at the end of the day, I tuck them in bed. Sing to them. Sometimes talk about our plans for "when the sun comes back." Tickle their backs. And kiss them goodnight, feeling so thankful for them and how much I love them. 

And on really rough days I try and remember moments like these...



Dancing at the park...

Getting sister dressed...
Overpriced hotdogs that are the yummiest thing they've ever eaten...
Floor hugs...
Hearing Addie showing Charlie a look and find book, "where's this one Charlie?...good job!" 
Laughing after a major blowout when all we had is a diaper of Addie's three sizes too big and Garrett's jacket...
Looking over while I'm making breakfast and seeing this. I know, it's too perfect. But if you have kids this age you know something this good can't be staged...

Stopping and smiling because I realize that my two year old leaves the house better dressed and accessorized than me...


Walking to the ice cream store at bedtime...
Finding time to sew, and seeing the look on her face when she gets to wear it...
Swimming...
This face...

Listening to these two play mad dinosaur happy dinosaur. 

Life is really good. Whenever a stranger comments on how full my hands are or how busy I must be, I just smile and say, "but it's the best kind of busy." 

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The first couple weeks with three...

Our hospital stay with Charlie was longer than with Addie. Addie was born around 5pm and we were headed home less than 24 hours later. Charlie was born close to 1am and we stayed three nights (including that night, even though we didn't get to our postpartum room until around 4am, it still felt like three nights.) She had to be under lights for jaundice for 24 hours. It was a long 24 hours. Mostly because we were all three awake most of that time. I only got to take her out to nurse her and I felt like the meanest mom ever taking her blanket and skin to skin warmth away, only to put the protective eye wear back on her and lay her under the lights with nothing to comfort her but a binky. Our room was really cool. We tried to change the temperature but had no luck. The lights aren't heat lights and we could tell that Charlie was cold. Around 1am Paul had had enough. He'd been asleep for a couple hours but knew I was struggling watching Charlie struggle. And all I could do was reinsert the binky. They even told me to keep my hands out from under the lights so I wouldn't cast a shadow on her and keep her from getting all the treatment she could. Paul told me he was going to 7-11 to buy a coffee and then he'd take over for the night so I could sleep. He was gone for about an hour and came back with a coffee and a bag full of stuff. Most of the stuff were snacks from the gas station, but at the bottom of the bag was a heated rice bag. He'd driven home and searched through our dark house full of sleeping people and found a rice bag. He heated it and then snuck it into our room. I don't know if the nurses would have allowed it had he asked, but they told us not to put anything in with the baby. Paul tucked the warm bag around Charlie's little feet and she almost instantly calmed down and fell right to sleep. And that's the man I married. 

We survived the lights. Our pediatrician ordered a formula supplement during the night because I didn't have enough milk yet and she hadn't peed in 46 hours. We gave her about an ounce and her numbers improved my morning and she peed so we didn't have to stay longer or take her home with lights. 

The day after we got home Addie came down with a fever. And we didn't realize it until she'd been holding Charlie for two hours. That sent me into a mild panic. She was over 102 for three days. On the third day of her fever, Charlie had a doctors appointment to check her weight. So I took Addie with us to be checked out. There was nothing they could do for her, and of course they told us to keep her away from the baby. That became a full-time job, because Addie has wanted to be right next to, holding, touching, kissing Charlie since day one. Her fever finally broke, and none of the rest of us came down with anything. So after a couple of days of being paranoid I finally let Addie get close to Charlie again. And right after I let her near the baby, she came down with a cold. Addie passed it to me, then Garrett got it, and then Charlie got it. Less than two weeks old and she had her first cold. Fortunately, Charlie's was very mild and she got over it quickly. Garrett seemed to struggle with it the longest. He's just finally stopped coughing the past couple of days. It's such a struggle keeping two toddlers away from a baby. Let alone keeping them from touching her blankets, pacifiers, clothes, my breast pump bottles, etc. For almost a month I've either been saying "don't touch that!" or "get away from her face!" or I've been washing things that they touched. The miraculous thing though, is that I haven't been too stressed. 

So far, this new baby experience has been much different than my first two. I'm keeping up on housework better, I'm finding time to shower, I'm sleeping better... I'm just enjoying being a mom at this moment more than I ever have. (And even though Garrett and Addie absolutely adore the baby, I'll save my thoughts on them and their weird behavior that I can only assume has something to do with adjusting to a new little one, for another day.)

Addie held her hand up and said, "look, I'm glowing." 
By day three, these two (especially Addie) were ready for mom to come home. And I was ready too!

I made a dozen of these jars a few days before Charlie was born to give to my nurses. They were a big hit! 


The first car ride picture. 





First bath at home. She looks content here because I think this picture was taken seconds before she pooped.  She doesn't love bath time so far.

It's been much easier this time around to forget the to-dos and just sit and hold my baby. And I'm enjoying the newborn phase more this time. 




We even made it out for a beach day while Mimi was still in town. 









Charlie slept the whole time. 
Mimi was with us for two weeks, and then I had to start making it through the days on my own with all three.